Why to Always Have an Escape Route
by bann
Summary: Three women appear in the SGC one day. They meet up with some old acquaintances, and some new, and chaos ensues. Next thing they know, they're in Atlantis trying to save the city from an old enemy by finding a hidden device that could change everything.
1. Chapter 1

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend **Nimeria**. Boredom coupled with instant messaging is a surprisingly good recipe for writing fanfiction. That explains the format, which would be too difficult (since we do have lives) to change and we kind of like it the way it is. Anyways, this story is as much hers as mine, just so you know.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 1

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(In the middle of a conversation between many people, one of our protagonists finds herself confused.)

Taylor: (is lost) Ooh, look! Shiny vertical puddle! (She wanders off)

(Also in the middle of same conversation, another of our protagonists finds herself in much the same condition.)

Mary: Taylor! Take me with you! Get back here. Don't leave me all alone!!!

(Taylor comes back for Mary)

Mary: Yay!

(Taylor and Mary wander towards the shiny vertical puddle. Taylor runs into the wormhole.)

Mary: No! Wait for me! (follows Taylor)

(Now on the other side of the wormhole, Taylor looks around)

Taylor: Where are we Mary?

Mary: The Gate Room! Look! It's Harriman! Follow him!

(Taylor and Mary follow Harriman…Some time later…)

Mary: Where are we going?

Taylor: After Walter Harriman.

Mary: And where is Harriman going?

Taylor: I dunno. Never did figure out these stupid lines on the floor and all the walls look the same

(They walk a little more.)

Taylor: Oh lookie! Our favorite people!

(Taylor skips up and glomps both Daniel and Mitchell)

Mary: Both? What am I supposed to do? (looks and sees Daniel's office) SWEET! (She goes in and pokes random artifacts) (poke poke)

(Taylor is pried off by the guards that Daniel and Mitchell have waved over frantically. She whimpers, is glared at by Mitchell and Daniel, and mopes off to go poke artifacts with Mary.)

Mary: (poke pok-) Umm...Taylor...why is this one glowing?

Taylor: Umm... Mary I think maybe we should run or get Daniel. Or both.

Mary: The latter please.

(Mary and Taylor run off and get Daniel and drag him back to the artifact, which is now humming as well as glowing.)

Mary: Now, fix! Or I'll let Taylor glomp you more!

Daniel: (glares) I can't.

Mary: (pokes Daniel) So what do we do now?

Daniel: (glares more) We get someone with the ATA gene. Which in order to have activated it, you must have, so...

Mary: (blinks) What? (looks at Taylor) What? Why are you staring at me?

Taylor: Think 'off' at it Mary.

(Mary thinks 'off' and the artifact.)

(Nothing happens.)

Taylor: Think harder!

(offoffoffoffoffoffoffoff)

(Still nothing happens.)

Mary: Oh Drat.

Daniel: Ok, don't panic. You were both poking stuff. Maybe she needs to do it.

Mary: Go for it Taylor! Think like you've never thought before! Oh, wait. Not literally. That might be bad...

(Taylor thinks 'off')

(It hums louder and starts spinning.)

Mary: Not working!

Daniel: (beginning to look frightened) Umm. M-maybe both of you?

(Both women think extremely hard at the same time. The artifact stops spinning, humming, and glowing at the same time.)

Mary: Yay!

(The artifact starts levitating and whirring)

All three: Oh crap

Taylor: Now can we panic?

Daniel: Umm. Yeah. (sticks head out door of his office) JAAACCCCKKK!!

Mary: Jack is back?!

(Jack appears in doorway, along with Teal'c.)

Jack: Daniel.

Daniel: Jack.

Teal'c: Indeed.

(Mary pokes Daniel)

Daniel: Ah! Umm...we seem to be having a problem with the...uh...levitating and whirring thing...

Jack: Annnnd... So... Thus... Therefore...?

Mary: (blinks) Can you fix it?

(Jack walks over and touches device. He appears to be concentrating very hard.)

Jack: Hmmm. Well, nothing happened.

(Mary and Taylor begin quietly betting on how many people are going to try to stop it before it happens)

(The thingy whirrs faster.)

Mary: Something happened...

Taylor: Hmm. Should we maybe... I dunno, run?

Jack: Nope. Just hang on a sec. (sticks head out door) Hey Sheppard. C'mere.

Taylor: What?! Sheppard's here and I didn't know?!

(Sheppard walks into the room, and is promptly glomped by Taylor.)

Mary: (notices something on the side of the artifact) Hey, everybody look!

(Everyone looks. On the side is writing in Ancient.)

(Mary presses the third symbol and the artifact shuts down.)

Taylor: (still glomped to Sheppard) What the heck is it anyway?

Mary: (smirks) It says "press here to shut down".

Daniel: You can read ancient?

Taylor: (snickers) She guessed.

Mary: (looks hurt) Did not.

Taylor: Did so. (sticks out tongue)

Mary: (hides behind Teal'c) Help me!

Teal'c: (looks puzzled) O'Neill?

Jack: Ah, it's just the two girls who use this place as their little hide away. Nothing to worry about. They're really very nice.

Mary: (She walks from behind Teal'c) Come on Taylor, leave him be, I'm sure he has work to do.

Sheppard: (Somewhat breathlessly as his ribs are being crushed.) Yes! Work!

(Taylor pouts in perfect imitation of Sheppard)

Jack: Well that look is familiar.

Sheppard: (softens) I tell you what. You let go and I'll stay here okay?

Taylor: (considers) I reserve the right to glomp you again if you try to leave.

Sheppard: Fine.

(Taylor lets go)

Sheppard: I think I'll be...somewhere else for a moment.

(Taylor moves to follow.)

Mary: (She sees the inevitable, and grabs something off Daniel's desk. She stands in front of Taylor, and waves a pen in front of her.) Look Taylor! Shiny!!

(Taylor ignores the shiny pen in favor of Sheppard, and glomps him as he tries to walk out the door.)

Mary: Fine. (Tickles Taylor until she lets go, and holds her back as Sheppard retreats around the corner into one of the numberless hallways with the lines on the floor.)

(Taylor sits down and cries. Jack, Daniel, Mitchell and Teal'c look on in confused horror, completely at a loss for what to do.)

Daniel: Umm. Is she okay?

Mary: She will be. (Leans over to Mitchell, who had been completely forgotten even though he had been in the hallway, and whispers in his ear.)

(Mitchell looks confused, then comprehends.)

Mitchell: (speaking to Taylor) Hey, would you and your friend like a bite to eat?

Taylor: (stops crying and jumps up) Yes!!

(Mitchell leads the way to the mess hall with Taylor following happily by his side)

(Mary gives the other three a knowing smirk and follows)

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	2. Chapter 2

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 2

------------------------

(Taylor turns around and sticks tongue out at Mary before working her way through food line with Mitchell)

(Mary grabs some mashed potatoes, broccoli, and gravy, and sits down)

Taylor: Broccoli?

Mary: (smirks as Mitchell and Taylor sit) I have my reasons...

Mitchell: Do I want to know?

Taylor: (shakes head) Probably not.

(Mary ignores both and starts to build a mountain out of the potatoes while both Taylor and Mitchell look on in amused terror.)

Taylor: You still don't want to know Mitchell.

(Mitchell closes his mouth.)

Mary: (without looking up) So, Mitchell, how are things on...oh, what's its name...that new planet? (The mountain now finished, crannies and nooks in place, she reaches for the gravy.)

Mitchell: Which new planet?

Mary: (Looks up, gravy in hand.) Oh, the one with the people and those ruins...ask her. (Gestures to Taylor with the gravy, and proceeds to make what looks like a moat around the mountain)

Taylor: (blinks) What, you mean Camelot?

Mary: (Now mixing the moat into the bottom of the potato mountain to resemble dirt.) Mmhmm.

Mitchell: Uh, right. (Tears eyes away from crazy food creation.) Well it's mostly good. They've got people going through the stuff in the library and Valencia was allowed to join the soldiers after the whole sword in the stone black knight thing. Still very muddy.

Taylor: (gets dreamy look in eyes.) Black knight mud fight. Mmm...(drools)

Mary: (Now attacking the broccoli with a knife.) Hee hee. You rhymed! (Looks at Mitchell) I am unaffected by the mud. (Goes back to her broccoli.)

Mitchell: Okay, what did the broccoli ever do to you?

Taylor: (snaps out of it) I thinks she's going to use it as trees. (to Mary) And that's just because you watched football players get muddy almost every Friday for four years.

Mitchell: What's with the mud?

Mary: (Dropping very small broccoli bits in a straight line.) Not trees. Mud as in hot and sweaty mud fight dear. Nothing to be worried about. (Adds a few finishing touches to her mountain.) Done!! (smiles proudly) Guess what it is!

Taylor: Mt. Doom?

Mary: Close! Caradhras! And there's the pass!

(Taylor and Mary giggle happily)

Mitchell: Umm. Okay?

(Sam walks by with a glass of blue Jell-O)

(Mitchell waves her over and points)

Mitchell: Uh, Sam, is this normal?

Sam: (studies the food concoction) Let me guess...Mount Doom?

Taylor and Mary: (in giggling unison) Caradhras!

(Sam smiles)

(Mitchell sighs)

(The klaxons go off)

UNSCHEDULED GATE ACTIVATION!

Taylor: Yay! (Jumps up.) We gotta go check that out. We're gonna go check it out right?!!

Sam: Yes, Taylor. We'll go check it out

Mitchell: You know them? You knew they were around?

Sam: Well, yes.

(Mary smirks at Mitchell as the three females saunter to the gate room)

(Mitchell sighs what might be "women" and follows)

Taylor: (Turns around) You'll get used to us eventually. In fact at some point I may even stop glomping you when I get here. Maybe a hug. But not a glomp.

Mitchell: But you... glomped did you say... Jackson.

Taylor: Yes well. That's different. Daniel is used to it and knows I just do it to annoy

him.

Mitchell: …and Sheppard?

Taylor: Oh him. I hardly ever see him. Besides. I don't think I could stop glomping him if I wanted to.

(They walk into the control room where they are met by Jacob carter, who looks up.)

Jacob: Hi Sam, it's good to see y- what are they doing here???

Sam: Well they just popped up in the gate room awhile ago.

Jacob: (Eyes the girls warily.) Yes but WHY are they here?

Taylor: We ran away from home for awhile.

Jack: (As he walks into the room.) He wants to know why, Hun.

Mary: (Holds Taylor back in case of glomping) Well, there was this chat, and we weren't allowed to talk like normal, and it was weird, so we ran to the relative safety of the vertical puddle.

Selmac: It is good to see the two of you again.

Jacob: (mutters)

Sam: (Looking at the young women.) And why does my father not like you two?

Mary: Well...umm...

Taylor: On the way here, we sort of took a little...

Mary: …side trip, and uh, we kind of played a prank on him...

Jacob: …in front of the Tokra council, which was anything but amusing. (pause) (grumbles) …but I gather that Selmac rather enjoyed it.

Taylor: (giggles) It wasn't even a dangerous one.

Daniel: (Who was already in the control room) So you mean to tell us that most of the rest of your pranks are dangerous?

Taylor: (looks slightly hurt) Danyel why do you ask questions you already know the answers to?

Mary: (nods) Yes. And anyway it all depends on your point of view.

Jack: (laughing to self) I'll bet you two know how to throw a party.

Mary and Taylor: (look at one another, and simultaneously) MOVIEFEST!!!

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	3. Chapter 3

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 3

------------------------

Mary: (Turns to Jack) Oh! Can we please!!!

Taylor: (Turns to Mitchell and gets within glomping distance.) Please! Pretty Please!!!

Mitchell: Okay, what's a Moviefest, how dangerous is it on a scale of one to ten, how much is it gonna cost, where exactly would you have it, and do we have to come?

Mary: (recovers from pleading first) It's where we all get together and watch movies for about twenty-four hours minimum, the only dangers are the caffeine intake and lack of sleep, and the conversations which are rather amusing when coupled with said lack of sleep and caffeine, we could have it at my place and we'll invite Melissa and Sarah and Jess...(trails off) Oh. Right. We're not at home anymore.

Taylor: I'd rate it a ... 8 for a guy... poor things. It's relatively inexpensive, we could have it here in a rec. room or something and yes, you have to come.

Daniel: All of us?

Taylor: Yes Danyel.

Jack: You know you're starting to sound like me.

Taylor: (bows graciously) I try.

Mary: And the cost depends on who comes and how much he or she eats in a day.

Taylor: So can we please please please?

Jack: I don't see why not.

(All other males in the room, namely Jacob, Mitchell, Daniel and Teal'c, glare at Jack.)

Taylor: Oh and Sheppard. He's gotta come.

Sam: Taylor that might be a little harder. These guys I'm sure we can manage but Sheppard...

Taylor: Oh but he's gotta come. (Turns to Jack.) Please? (pouts adorably)

Jack: (ponders) I suppose I could arrange for him to take some time off.

(Taylor squeals in glee)

Mary: And where will we be having this party? And don't say somewhere with alcohol, because that'd defeat the entire purpose.

(Jack pouts and the other men brighten considerably at his sorrow.)

Mary: So, who has the biggest TV with the most sitting room?

Daniel: I think that's probably Mitchell.

Mitchell: What? Now wait just a second!

Teal'c: I do believe Daniel Jackson is correct in this matter.

Mitchell: Aww... But... Man. We can't have it at my place.

Sam: What's the matter Cam? The place a mess?

Mary: Great! Now, who likes what kind of pizza and chips and caffeine and sandwiches and cookie dough?

Mitchell: Wait! I'm not buying that!

Mary: (Looks confused.) Of course not. I am.

Taylor: What? You have money?

Mary: I came prepared. Now who wants what?

Taylor: You came prepared to have a movie fest? To the SGC?

Mary: No, I came prepared to buy food for a movie fest. College teaches you all of the necessary life-saving skills.

Sam: Well, I'd like some pizza.

Daniel: And I need my coffee.

Jack: Really, no beer?

Mary: No beer. That defeats the whole purpose

All of The Guys: (incredulously) There's a purpose?

Jessie: Of course there is. There's a purpose for everything in the universe: it's only a matter of figuring out what it is... such as the purpose of marching in the mud.

Taylor: Jessie, that'd be so I can laugh at you.

Jessie: Oh.

(Everyone not Taylor or Mary turns and stares at Jessie.)

Jack: How did SHE get here?

(All turn and look at Walter, who shrugs innocently.)

Walter: Wasn't me...

Jessie: (points at Taylor) She brought me.

Sam: How?

Jessie: I dunno.

Taylor: She followed Jacob through the Stargate. Why? Didn't you see her?

Mary: (glares at Jess) Did you go invisible again? For shame! We told you to stop that!

Taylor: Wait, she can't be invisible!

Mary: Yes, she can, and I DO read ancient.

Taylor: But, but, what do I get?

Jessie: I can be invisible... Mary reads ancient... what?

Taylor: She doesn't. You can't, unless you kept one of the cloaks from the Sodan planet when we went to visit and seriously Mary...what do I get?

Mary: Listen, we went over this with the glowing chick...I read ancient. Jessie can go all invisible when she wants to, and you can walk through stuff at will. Now, is that hard to remember?

(Jack smiles)

(Everyone else looks frightened, interested, or stoic with one eyebrow raised.)

Mitchell: Right. Umm. I think I'm just gonna-

Taylor: Oh no you don't. I'm not real sure where your house is... we can't get there for the wonderful movie fest if we can't find it.

Mitchell: Crap. I was kind of hoping you'd forget about that.

(Taylor, Mary and Jessie glare at him, appalled.)

Mary: Yes, how could we forget the movie fest of all movie fests? We'll try not to scar you too permanently.

(Jack smiles wider.)

(Sam tries not to giggle.)

Teal'c: You are not speaking of actual scarring.

Mary: (Looking innocent) Probably not, but I am not to be held accountable for any disfiguring thwacking episodes.

Selmac: Sadly, we cannot join in the festivities; I am here to report the latest decisions of the Tokra council. General?

(Jacob and General leave almost gladly)

Mary: (to Sam) Shall we go shopping?

Taylor: (to Mitchell) And you should go home and clean.

Mitchell: (mutters and walks away)

Daniel: Shopping?

Mary: For food. Care to come? Or do you have to pack?

Daniel: I think I'll just stick around here with Taylor and Teal'c and Jessie. (quieter) and try and keep Taylor from glomping Sheppard if she sees him.

Taylor: I heard that.

Jessie: Wait, so I'm staying here?

Taylor: Yes darling. You stay with me. I'd rather you didn't get lost dear. So let us go on off to Danyel's lab.

Daniel: Can you just call me Daniel?

Taylor: No. Jack, what you doing? Stay or shop? Wait I take it back! No wanna stay. We go shop!!! Yay Grocery Stores!

(Mary giggles. Taylor starts skipping off. Jessie follows her. Mary shakes head, shares a look with Sam and goes after them to make sure they don't hurt themselves)

(Later - in the checkout station at the grocery store, Mary is paying for the three cart's worth of food, and Sam is helping the two poor baggers try to fit it all back into the carts.)

Mary: (Looks over at Taylor and Jessie adds a couple of dollars to the total, and gestures to the two when the confused clerk looks at her.) That is for the flowers.

(The clerk looks over at Taylor and Jessie, who are fencing, each with a rose in hand, on top of and around the giant canned food pyramid in the store. The clerk prints out receipt and prays that the four leave as soon as possible.)

(The four leave as soon as possible and get outside to the parking lot, to Sam's car)

Sam: (sigh) We need backup. (Pulls out her cell phone and calls…) Hello, Teal'c? Yes, get Daniel and his car and tell him to meet us in the Kroger parking lot...what? ...Yes, you come too. We'll need your muscles.

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	4. Chapter 4

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 4

------------------------

(A little later after that - Mitchell's house)

(Mitchell drags an armchair out of the way and throws a couple more pillows on the ground)

Mitchell: I think that about does it. Let's see. There's Jack, me, the three idiot girls...Sam, Teal'c. Oh, and Sheppard and Daniel. (sigh) Man, I need to shower.

(The doorbell rings, he answers, and Jack and Sheppard are there each with a duffel bag)

Mitchell: Come on in, make yourselves at home.

(Sheppard walks over to the armchair and flops down.)

(Mitchell looks at Jack questioningly.)

Jack: Oh, he's just getting in some rest before the party begins (sniffs) and, hey, just saying, you could use a shower.

(Mitchell grumbles and walks upstairs as Jack goes and raids the kitchen.)

(The doorbell rings, Jack answers, and its Teal'c with bags and bags in his arms)

Teal'c: I believe we could use your assistance, O'Neill.

Jack: For cryin' out loud. What did you do? Buy the whole store? (Grabs some bags from Teal'c.)

Jessie: Nope. Just the candy aisle. Oh and most of the pizza and cookie dough too. (Drops bags onto counter in kitchen and looks around.)

Taylor: And a couple of flowers. (Drops her own bags. Notices that Sheppard is sleeping and starts internal debate about whether or not to go jump on him and wake him up…)

Jack: Flowers?

Sam: (Also drops bags.) Jessie and Taylor were having a swordfight with them.

Jack: (Smiles proudly) That's the way.

Sam: (Half-scolding) Sir...

Mary: (Drops own bags onto counter.) They neglected to mention the stuff to bake.

Daniel: (Drops bags.) And the Sobe, and the pixie stix, and the Mt. Dew, and the apple juice for the homemade juice stuff.

Jack: Oh. Well. Um... well. Ok. Ah... Mitchell went to get cleaned up and as I'm sure you noticed Sheppard is asleep.

(Taylor continues with her internal debate.)

Mary: (Notices internal debate.) Taylor, you can only do that if you help bring in all the sacks and don't cause any unnecessary damage or scarring. (Taylor runs to get more bags.)

(Sam looks at Mary questioningly as Jack, Daniel, and Teal'c go for more bags)

Mary: Hey, it'll keep her busy for a few minutes and I didn't want to carry in more bags.

Sam: Good idea. (She looks over the area by the TV.) Ooh! (Scurries and sprawls onto a little futon) Mine!

(As Sam builds a little pillow nest for herself, Mary walks over to the sleeping John Sheppard.)

Mary: (Whispers.) Joooooohn. You'd better wake uuuuuuuup.

(Sheppard makes gurgling, protesting noise)

Mary: Wake up! Before you don't get any food!!

Sheppard: (wakes) Hmmm? Food??

(Mary points him in the direction of the kitchen where the rustling of bags can be heard.) (He lumbers off for munchies as Taylor comes in, sees John awake, deposits bags and storms to Mary.)

Taylor: What was that for?

Mary: He's sleepy. Give him a break. Besides, the wide awake Cameron should be coming out of the shower soon so don't wor- JESSIE! NO! SIT DOWN AND DO

NOT GO UPSTAIRS!!!!!

(Jessie sits back down as if nothing happened.)

(Jack, Teal'c, and Daniel bring in the last of the bags.)

Taylor: (Surveys room, considers her options, and lunges for the mattress right in

front of the TV) Dibs!! (Jessie looks at her 'twin'. Taylor looks back, shrugs after a minute and grabs a few blankets and a couple of pillows and begins to make self comfy.)

Jessie: (Shakes head) Mary, you may wanna sit closer to her.

Mary: Why?

Jessie: Because we're both over here on this side of the room with Sheppard's chair...and

the one Mitchell seems to have claimed. (Indicates chair with big "Don't sit!" sign in it.)

Mary: Ah. (moves to chair between Taylor's mattress and Sheppard and Mitchell)

Mary: Let's see. (Just looks around the room.)

(Jack walks in, with a root beer.)

Jack: Whatcha doing?

Jess: (Snuggling in next to Taylor.) Oh, she's just rearranging the room in her head.

Jack: Ah.

(Daniel walks in.)

Daniel: Uh, what is-

Jack: She's rearranging the room in her head.

Daniel: Why?

Jack: Well, uh.

Mary: Ok. Here's how it goes. Jack, can you and Teal'c share a sofa?

Teal'c: (from kitchen) If I must.

Jack: Sure. pause Hey!

Mary: So then (clockwise with TV at 12) it's Sam on futon, sofa for Jack and Teal'c, sofa at six for, uh, Mitchell? Can you and Daniel cohabitate? (Daniel nods good-naturedly and Sheppard comes out, mouth full of turkey sandwich, Teal'c likewise, Sheppard gives a thumbs up), so sofa at six for Daniel and Sheppard, first armchair for Mitchell, second for moi, and the giggle girls in the middle. Everybody happy?

(Seats are beginning to be taken and no one screams in horror, so it is to be assumed that all is well.)

Mitchell: (comes down in comfy-sweats and t-shirt, drying his hair) So the gang's all here. What did I miss?

Mary: You. Sit There. Taylor, I leave you to the first movie. I go to change and make grog. (wanders away)

Sam: I think I'll change as well. (leaves)

Taylor: (considers situation for a minute) Hmm. Well. This is fun. (Guys look at her funny and kind of worried) But I think I'll be good for now. I have the next twenty four hours. So movies? Votes anyone? Oh and nothing R-rated. With a few exceptions.

Jessie: Mary's vote goes for Lord of the Rings. Just a guess.

Mary: (walks back into room) Good guess.

Taylor: Okay, much as I like LOTR I'm thinking maybe from the looks on their faces we should pick something else.

Sheppard: Something with explosions.

(Taylor looks at him not at all surprised.)

Sam: (returning as well) You had to know that one was coming.

Taylor: Of course

Sheppard: What? I like explosions.

Mitchell: I second that.

Jack: Thirded

Daniel: I agree.

Teal'c: Indeed.

Taylor: (irritated) What the heck do you guys think this is? A democracy?

------------------------


	5. Chapter 5

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 5

----------------------

Mitchell: You asked for votes.

Jessie: Annnnnnddddd...?

(Mary hands pitcher of grog and little cups to Jessie who grasps onto it as if it were the water of life.)

Mary: Yes but by democracy she meant 'what do the girls want to watch'.

Sam: We get the vote? (Mary nods, Jessie is handing out the foul-colored grog, Taylor is lost for the moment in the vision that is John Sheppard, and Sheppard is unsettled by the staring but is hiding behind his turkey sandwich.)

Sam: Well, I don't like guns, but I do like explosions a little more. (the boys brighten up)...well, that and cute guys...(the brightness fades)

Mary: (chuckles) Aww, Taylor, give the boys their bombs...

Taylor: (She tears her eyes away from Sheppard and considers for a minute.) How about we please everyone and go with Pirates of the Caribbean (boys start to protest) ANND then the two Bourne movies okay? It's a little bit of everything and a bit of give and take.

Sam: I like it.

Taylor: Isn't it great? It's my (dramatic voice) master plan

Mary: Taylor, there is no master plan.

Taylor: Please? Can there Please be a master plan?

Mary: Nope, sorry.

(Taylor pouts for a moment, but quickly shakes it off.)

Taylor: Now who gets to be in charge of the remote?

(Massive silence, followed by massive "Mine!" "Mine!" "I will take the remote." "Mine!" Mary surveys the scene, glares at Taylor for opening such a can of worms, and then snatches the remote from Taylor.)

Mary: Mine.

Jack: Wait, why does she get it?

Mary: I'm the overlord. Now, who wants popcorn?

Taylor: All hail bane. (…amid the choruses of "I want popcorn." "Me!" "Me."

Taylor and Jessie jump up to go get the popcorn for everyone, and cookie dough for themselves.)

Mary: (As the popcorn and cookie dough get passed around...) Okay, so Pirates first. (goes over to TV) Hmm. Now how does this work?

(Taylor skips over, looks at the DVD player, and stops Mary from hitting a button.)

Mary: What?

Taylor: I thought we'd gone over the 'no touchy if no know what do because run risk of blowing up' at the last movie fest.

Mitchell: (looks up from trying to sneak some of Teal'c sandwich, which he was failing at, badly) Wait, my DVD player isn't made to explode. (pause) Is it?

Taylor: No. Well, probably not. But with Mary, you can never be sure with the electronics and the buttons and the explosions and the "Oh no! The house is on fire!" And so on.

(Mitchell looks at Mary for confirmation. She looks back as innocently as possible.)

Mitchell: (gets up) Right then, I'll take that (grabs the DVD) and you, Jessie, move.

(Jessie scoots over and, coming too temptingly close to Sheppard's foot, glomps it. He yells very manly-ly and kicks wildly. Jessie lets go in the nick of time, and he impacts the unfortunate shin of his sofa-buddy.)

Mary: (shakes head) We need glomping rules...

Teal'c: What is a glomp?

Taylor: (looks back) It's kind of like a cross between a hug and a death grip, meant to show affection and joy.

Sheppard: Unfortunately it feels more like a death grip with these two.

Taylor: Hey! I'm being good.

Sheppard: For now.

(Taylor pouts.)

Mitchell: He has a point kid. (gets up as TV starts working) Okay, now we should be good to go.

Taylor: Cam, can you show me how to do that so when everyone else falls asleep I won't have to wake you up?

Mitchell: Who said we were going to fall asleep?

Jessie: The immutable laws of physics, unless you...drink the grog.

(Mitchell and others look at cups in their hands warily.)

Mary: Don't do it. You wont' like it. It's too sugary, and it could possibly stop your heart.

(All look at her in horror.)

(Jack puts down root beer and picks up his cup 'o grog, scrutinizing it.)

Jack: Tell me you're joking.

Mary: But I'm not. And it'll make you hyper. Every last one of... okay, maybe not Teal'c. (She, Taylor, and Jessie all down their grog in one gulp.)

Daniel: But I thought you said not to-

Mary: It's known as a disclaimer. Now drink... if you dare!

Mary, Taylor, and Jess simultaneously: Dun dun duuuuun!

(Pause, and Mary erupts into evil laughter, causing Taylor and Jessie to giggle frighteningly.)

Jack: Oh, what the hell. (drinks)

(Mitchell and Sam follow his lead. Daniel looks wary but sips. Sheppard is groggy; he gets nudged by an unnamed someone, and drinks. Teal'c watches stoically, and when none of them die, he drinks as well.)

(Taylor and Jessie giggle maniacally as Jack nearly falls out of his chair within seconds.)

Jack: Holy crap!

Mitchell: I second that. (actually does fall out of chair)

Daniel: Heilige hel…

Everyone else: What?

Sam: I think that was Dutch (a second later her eyes go wide) Holy Hannah.

(Sheppard jerks upright and bounces out of room.)

Taylor: (watching Sheppard) I always knew he was high strung but...

Mary: (watching all of this amusedly, notices something) Hey Teal'c, how're you doing?

Teal'c: I seem unaffected.

Mary: (nods) Give it half an hour.

(Teal'c's eyes widen very slightly, showing his extreme discomfort at this new information.)

Sheppard: (walking back into room, wiping face with paper towel) Wow. That was...what was that?

Taylor: It was...was...grrrr-(gives up and succumbs to the giggling)

Mary: Taylor, Jessie, Mitchell, BREATHE!

Teal'c: You too seem unaffected. Will you not also become...(he gestures to the others in the room)...in time?

Mary: (shrugs) We'll see. Now, who wants to start the movie?

(All those still able to do so raise their hands.)

Mary: Right. (presses play)

(At that moment all persons are beamed away…and appear on the deck of the Daedalus where Caldwell is waiting for them.)

-------------------------


	6. Chapter 6

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 6

-------------------------------

(Taylor yelps and jumps behind Daniel who is willing to allow her to hide behind him as she's only in her PJ's. Sam does similar behind Jack. Mary just shrugs and Jessie looks around in confusion.)

Caldwell: Sorry people. I'd meant to just beam Sheppard out but... well... we couldn't figure out which one of you he was.

Taylor: (a little upset and talking from over Daniel's shoulder) Why did you want Sheppard!!?

Mary: And why couldn't you tell?

Caldwell: There's been another terrorist attempt to capture Atlantis.

Sheppard: WHAT? When? Who?

Jessie: Actually, it would be "by whom?"

Taylor: Jess, this is Not the Time for DeJaynes lessons!

Jessie: Oops. Sorry.

Caldwell: Are you sure that we can talk in front of...(points to the three women)

(All look to Jack for answer.)

Jack: (shrugs) Sure. Why not.

Caldwell: About three hours ago Atlantis was scheduled to contact earth. They did not. Attempts to reach them have failed, and a MALP showed hostiles in the area around the gate. We aren't sure how many there are, but it seems that McKay and Ronon managed to escape the city. They are in a puddle jumper above the city, and they are awaiting our arrival to give us the details.

Sheppard: (boiling with rage) Who...who...

Jack: Easy there tiger.

Caldwell: It seems your old friend Kolya is back.

(Sheppard makes outraged gurgling noises in his throat. Jack takes him away

to sit down for a minute.)

Daniel: Why weren't you able to lock onto only Sheppard?

Mary: Hey! I asked that first.

Daniel: (ignores Mary) Is the beam broken?

Caldwell: It seems that just before we were going to bring Sheppard up, all of your metabolisms changed drastically. We can't figure it out.

(Mary and Taylor giggle and high five one another. Jessie looks confused for a moment, then gets it, and joins in the fun.)

Mitchell: You've got to be kidding me.

Caldwell: What?

Mitchell: (turns to the girls) It changed our metabolisms?!

Jessie: You drank a mixture of apple juice, Sobe, and Mt. Dew laced with pixie stix. It's like pure sugar and caffeine. What did you expect?

Jack: I gotta admit girls, that is rather disturbing... but it was good and works better than beer without the alcoholic effect… and you can't get drunk off it... can you? (walks back over with a slightly calmed down Sheppard)

Mary: We've never had enough within the space of an hour to try.

Taylor: Guys, as interesting as this is, can it wait until after we decide what we're gonna do about the Genii.

Sheppard: We're gonna get them out of the city and then I'm gonna kill Kolya that's what we're gonna... hey wait a sec. Who said anything about WE?

Taylor: I did. No way are you going without me.

Jessie: …and she doesn't go without me

Mary: And for the safety of the universe they don't go without me.

Jack: For Mary's sake, I'll go.

Mitchell: And if he goes I go. I never was one to sit still.

Sam: And if cam goes…

Sam, Teal'c and Daniel: …we go.

Mary: Wait, (stares in shock) Jack goes for my sake? What?

Caldwell: General, are you sure these...girls...women...people are cleared to-

Jack: Look. They've been living INSIDE the SGC for… well, I'm not sure for

how long, but it's been a while. Is that good enough for you?

(Caldwell assents.)

(Later, in their assigned bunks, on route to Atlantis)

Taylor: (looking up from a card game with Jessie) Man, this is boring.

Jessie: Yup. I'm hungry.

Mary: (stares off into ceiling) Yes it is. Let's go eat.

Jessie: But that requires moving.

Taylor, Mary: Yes.

Jessie: Darn.

Taylor: (gets up with a groan) I want better quarters. (helps Jessie and then Mary up)

Mary: Why?

(They step out into the hallway.)

Taylor: Because everyone else on the entire stupid ship is in the quarters on the other side.

Mary: Good reason.

Jessie: Very good.

Taylor: So new quarters?

Jessie and Mary: Agreed.

Mary: Caldwell seems to not like us though.

Taylor: …hence him putting us out here. Yeah I know.

Mary: So how do you plan to get new quarters?

Taylor: (shares devious look with jess) Leave that to us. For now...food.

(In the mess hall)

(Men and women eating in the mess all eventually pause and glance at the table of young women giggling in the corner quietly. Eventually, people even stop altogether and watch the goings on.)

(Mitchell and Jack walk in, talking with Caldwell.)

Jack: Sheppard's doing better now, but I wouldn't stand between him and Kolya for all the money in the world.

(Caldwell stops, and Mitchell nearly walks into him.)

Caldwell: What is going on?

Mitchell: No. Oh no. Uh, sir, I think I may have an idea.

(Mitchell tries to hold him back, but Caldwell barges forward and pushed the crowd aside; and then looks on dumbstruck. Jack joins him in position and expression. Mitchell brings up the rear.)

Mitchell: Let me guess, another Caradhras?

Mary: Nope. Mine's the lonely mountain; you can tell because here's the

"back door". (points to a little flat bit halfway up the mountain)

Taylor: And mine is Hagrid's cabin! (giggle) I even added a welcome mat!

Jessie: Oh, but mine is the best! Guess what it is?

Mitchell: (thinks) The other mountain thingy in that one movie?

Jessie: You don't get it because that's cheating vagueness, but it's the outside of the mines of Moria!

Mitchell: Aww, but I was close.

(Taylor sobers and looks at him seriously for a second before grinning.)

Taylor: You see. You're starting to like us already. (She scoots over.) Sit down.

Mitchell: (sits) So I am.

Jessie: (handing him a plate) Be creative!

(Mitchell looks at it dubiously for a minute. Jack sits down on Taylor's other side and grabs another plate.)

Jack: Oh go on Mitchell. It's fun.

(Mitchell hesitates a moment longer before shrugging and beginning to pile up mashed potatoes. Caldwell glares and looks like he's about to have a fit when Sheppard walks in looking considerably calmer. Daniel walks beside him.)

Caldwell: (turns to Daniel, the famed negotiator with strange peoples) Dr. Jackson, please?!?

Daniel: Uh, girls, why are you, umm...whatever you're doing?

Jack: Ok! What is this? (holds up his plate)

All: Can of beer.

(Jack grumbles and starts over)

Jessie: You know, the worst part about potatoes is that they're not shiny...

Daniel: Ladies!

(Everyone at the table looks up, and then Jack, Sheppard and Mitchell hurriedly look back down once it hits them that Daniel said "ladies".)

Mary: What?

Daniel: What are you doing?

Taylor: Making mashed potato sculptures.

Daniel: Why?

Taylor: Because we're on the far edge of the ship and we're all alone and lonely.

Jessie: Card games can only keep one sane for so long

Mary: Did you know that the ceiling in our room-thingy has eight tiny holes, and three are in the shape of a triangle?

Taylor: (points to Mary) See? Not sane.

Daniel: So the food sculptures are a result of boredom?

Taylor: Yes. And speaking of… (Jessie and Taylor look up at Caldwell.) We'd like to be relocated to this side of the ship.

Caldwell: I'm afraid that's not possible.

Taylor: Please?

Caldwell: No, not possible.

Taylor: Fine. You asked for it. (whining) Jaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccck. Caldwell's

being mean.

(Jack looks at the poor woman who looks like she's about to cry then at Jessie who has an identical look.)

Jack: (in a tone like talking to a five year old) Aww. Being mean how?

Taylor: He's exiled us to the other side of the ship and won't let us back over here (sob) and all 'cause we aren't part of the SGC or Atlantis. (sob)

Jack: (glares at Caldwell) Is this true colonel?

Caldwell: I- what- no. There's just no space and (Jack glares harder) I'll go find them a room. (leaves)

Jack (turns back to Taylor) Better?

Taylor: (instantly stops crying) Much, thanks.

Jack: Nice acting.

Taylor and Jessie: We try.

----------------------------


	7. Chapter 7

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 7

---------------------

Sheppard: (He stares in awe, then grins and sits next to Mary and grabs a plate as Daniel sits next to him.) So is there a particular movie or genre these food sculptures have to be from?

Mary: Not really. Just make your food legible.

Sheppard: (pause) Wait, what?

Jessie: It's Mary-speak.

Taylor: Just make sure we can guess what it is.

Sheppard: Aaah. Right. (sets to work on his own creation)

Mary: Jess, Balrog: whip or sword?

Jessie: I preferred the whip myself.

Mary: Okay. (stares at potatoes) How does one make a whip out of starchy goodness?

Jack: Starchy-

Taylor and Jessie: Mary-speak.

Jack: Oh. Right.

Jessie: Taylor, what should I make?

Taylor: (shrugs) Just whatever.

(Jessie pouts)

Taylor: Oh fine, ummmm… (She leans over and whispers in Jess's ear. Jessie's face lights up and she immediately sets to work.)

Mitchell: So what do you think this is? (pushes own potatoes sculpture over)

(The girls tilt their heads first one way then another.)

Mary: I wanna say... umm. A tomato?

Mitchell: (groans) It's the cradle of life. From the Tomb Raider movie. You know?

Taylor: Um yeah. I see it.

Jack: That's cheating. You can't just make a sphere and call it something random.

(Sheppard makes an irritated noise and smashes his creation back into the plate.)

(A random staff person runs into the cafeteria and comes over to the group.)

RSP: I'm to tell you that we've received a signal and are about to momentarily drop out of hyperspace to pick up Dr. McKay and Ronon.

Jack: Thank you.

Sheppard: Which bay?

RSP: Two.

Mitchell: To two it is then. (All get up, the girls rather reluctantly leaving their sculptures, and head to bay two.)

(The whole party is now walking en massè to bay number 2.)

Mary: (staring at the walls and corridors as they pass through the halls)

Man, I would so get lost in here.

Jess: (cheerily) I wouldn't!

(Taylor and Mary warily stare at Jessie, and simultaneously slink behind Daniel Jackson)

Daniel: What now?

Taylor: She's creeping us out.

Mary: And I'm not sure she's not kidding...

Sheppard: Here we are kids. Bay 2.

(The doors, as if on cue, open and standing there is Ronon looking quite stoic and handsome as ever, and next to him stands McKay, looking a little aggravated.)

Jack: Ronon, Rodney.

(Taylor and Jessie pause only long enough to draw breath)

Mary: Oh no... (she attempts to grab a hold of her minions but misses as Taylor and Jessie, as one, pounce forward until they are standing in front of a Very confused Ronon.)

Taylor: Jessie, it's...

Jessie: ...so much better in person!

Mary: Oh, please don't-

(the twins simultaneously reach up and start petting Ronon's hair)

Mary: (hangs her head) do...that...Uh, Ronon; please try not to kill them.

(Ronon glowers)

McKay: Did I miss something?

Jack: I think I did too.

Mary: Will explain later.

(walks over beside the twins, who are completely enthralled by Ronon's hair)

Mary: (ahem) Taylor, Jessie? Can you stop that please?

Taylor: (looking over but not stopping) But it's so fun!

(Jessie merely grins in agreement)

Mary: I will not be responsible if he kills you, you know. Please don't make me order you to stop. You know I will.

Jessie: Never! Too! Much! Fun!

Sheppard: Uh, may I be of some assistance? I have funny hair too, you know.

McKay: I definitely missed something here.

Daniel: Sometimes, actually most times, it's best not to ask them.

McKay: Ah.

Taylor: (is staring at Sheppard) Mary did he just...?

Mary: He did.

Jessie: (pulls her hand from Ronon's head) Did he mean it?

(Taylor's hand slips in amazement and Ronon sprints out of the room. McKay follows quickly after and the others follow him. Sheppard stares back at Taylor.)

Sheppard: I did. Ronon is dangerous. So yes. I have funny hair too.

(Taylor inches towards him in a daze and reaches out hesitantly towards his hair. Sheppard has a look that says he clearly thinks he's going to regret this but doesn't take off. Taylor's hand connects with Sheppard's hair and she strokes it once, makes a sound in the back of her throat, and runs off. Jessie glares at Sheppard before running after her twin.)

Sheppard: What was that?

Mary: You'll have to forgive her. She's, well, she's shy.

Sheppard: Shy? Really? She doesn't seem the type.

Mary: No. Normally she doesn't but... she likes you. I mean she really likes you. She likes everyone here naturally but for some reason you... I don't know. She likes you more than anyone else. It was fine when you were trying to stay away from her because she wouldn't have to worry about anything, but by offering up your hair, which you are, by the way, way over protective of, it threw things out of whack for her and now she realizes

that you're paying attention to her and she probably feels like an idiot for taking you up on the offer.

Sheppard: Oh. Umm. Oh. (has adorably puzzled look on face)

Mary: As for Jessie. She's gone off to comfort Taylor and probably find her ice cream.

Sheppard: Should I...

Mary: No. Jess'll make sure she's alright. But if Taylor starts acting funny around you don't be surprised. Actually, try and do whatever you can to make her feel more normal.

(The two of them walk out of bay and off to where everyone else is. They arrive and sure enough Jessie is sitting in a corner with Taylor who is munching on ice cream.) (They wait for Sam, Daniel, Rodney, and Ronon to come up with a plan. After about a half hour Taylor starts to look less stressed. Sheppard inches his way over to her slowly making sure she isn't going to freak out again.)

Sheppard: (when he finally gets over to her and sits down) You know we're going to have to fly the puddle jumper to Atlantis. Do you want to ride shotgun?

(Before Taylor can answer, Sam walks in with Daniel, McKay and Ronon.)

------------------------------


	8. Chapter 8

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 8

------------------------

Sam: We think we may have figured out what the Genii want.

Mary: Wow. Nice. Glad to know someone knows what they're doing.

(Taylor glares at Mary. Jessie pokes Mary in the arm.)

Mary: Ow! I wasn't talking exclusively about you, you know!

Jessie: Sorry, Mary, she made me do it.

Taylor: Did not. I merely suggested a course of action.

Jack: Ladies? Can we focus on the plan please?

Mary: Fine, but I'm not sitting by them.

Taylor: Stop acting childish.

Mary: You poked me!

Jessie: Girls! Enough!

(Mary and Taylor stop squabbling in surprise at Jessie showing restraint.)

Daniel: Right...So, I've been going through the data we downloaded off of Atlantis's Memory Banks, and I've found a reference to what is called "The Jewel of Atlantis".

Jessie: Is it shiny?

(Mary and Taylor relax now that Jessie is acting like usual again.)

Daniel: Well, (he pulls out a notebook and starts flipping through it) There isn't really a reference to it-

Mary: No Jessie. It's not shiny.

(Jessie sulks and Taylor passes her the ice cream.)

Sam: It's a weapon, we think.

Jack: You think?

Mitchell: How can you not be sure?

(Sam nudges Daniel from his notebook.)

Daniel: Er, it only mentions that this "Jewel of Atlantis" can wipe the enemies of Atlantis from her city.

Jack: How?

Daniel: We don't know.

Teal'c: Where is this device located?

Daniel: We don't know that either.

Jack: What DO you know?

Daniel: That it is a device built by the ancients to kill everyone who, according to whoever is holding the device, is an enemy.

Sam: Sir, with a device like that...

Jack: Yeah. And we can't really let them get their hands on it either.

McKay: So, what's the plan?

Sam: McKay, you were there when we decided we were going to split into two groups.

McKay: When was this?

Daniel: Just a few minutes ago, as we walked in the door.

McKay: Oh. No, not paying attention.

(Sam growls in frustration.)

Mitchell: Two groups? That's the plan?

Sam: Yes. One group will look for the jewel, and the other will create distractions to buy them more time.

Taylor: So who's in what group?

Jack: Why don't we just leave that for when we get there? To expand on the plan… We go in. One group finds the Jewel thing as quickly as possible; the other is the decoy group. We'll keep that in mind when creating the groups.

Jessie: How did that expand on the plan?

Sam: (quietly) It didn't but it lets him feel important so roll with it.

Sheppard: Did they catch Teyla?

Ronon: No.

McKay: At least not as of when we'd left.

Jessie: So, Taylor and Mary and me, we're all on the same team, right? The one not getting shot at?

Mitchell: That sounds about right. We'll have to have Jackson and McKay go with you as well.

Sheppard: I'll go with the girls too. It's probably a good idea to have someone stand guard while they're looking for this thing.

Mary: The Jewelly/Ancienty/Devicey thing.

Jessie: (gloomily) That isn't shiny.

Mary: Well Jess, it might be shiny. We just don't know.

Taylor: Wait, so we three are on a team with just John Sheppard, Daniel Jackson, and Rodney McKay?

Jack: ...Yes?

(Taylor turns excitedly to Mary.)

Taylor: MaryMaryMary!

Mary: What?

Taylor: We're going to go to Atlantis and be chaperoned by Rodney and John and Daniel!

Mary: Ah! None of that now. Jessie, leave Jack alone.

(Jessie sulks away from where she was going to glomp Jack.)

Mary: Now, there will be no glomping, prancing, squealing, world domination, or anything of the like while in Atlantis.

Jessie: Awww...please?

Mary: Absolutely not. We're there to save a city.

Taylor: How about after? After we save the city can we take over the world? Please? It'd be fun...

Mary: Nope, today is a Thursday and Thursdays don't work for me. Now, if

you can hold out until Saturday, I'll even join in.

Taylor: YAY!

Jessie: YAY! WE HAVE PERMISSION!

Mary: Now, back to seriousness, you know what we're doing.

Taylor and Jessie: Yes Mary.

Mary: And no stopping to ogle the Stargate or the walls or the pretty water?

Taylor and Jessie: No Mary.

Mary: Ok. (turns to the rest of the party behind her) So, we're all set. When do we get there?

"Attention! All Personnel! Coming out of Hyperspace in T-minus five Minutes!"

The three girls: Aaah.

Sheppard: Alright then everyone; to the puddle jumper. (He looks at Taylor who meets his eyes, grins and jumps up to go over and walk with him. They walk in silence for awhile.)

Taylor: Can I really ride shotgun?

Sheppard: Yep. Can you really walk through walls?

(Taylor walks ahead of him and through the doorway to the hanger bay, and sticks her head back out.)

Taylor: Yep.

Sheppard and Mitchell: Cool.

(Taylor grins. They load into the jumper with Taylor taking shotgun as promised and Jessie grabbing the seat behind her. Despite his aversion to the girls McKay grabs the remaining seat up front to avoid the crowd in the back. Mary stands calmly leaning on the wall behind Taylor. Sheppard takes off and cloaks the jumper. They fly in silence until they come up on the city and there's a simultaneous intake of breath from the girls.)

Taylor: Oh my god it's gorgeous.

Jessie: Ooh! It's actually a shiny city!

Mary: Nice.

Taylor: I could get used to this...

(Jack smiles)

-------------------------------


	9. Chapter 9

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 9

-----------------------

(They land and disembark in what Ronon remembers as being an empty part of the city.)

Ronon: They have all the personnel locked in the mess, and they're mainly gathered in the Gate room, except of course for the patrols, picking up stragglers. They cut communications first, and are probably monitoring everything.

Jack: Everything?

Ronon: Everything.

Daniel: Jack...

Jack: Daniel...

Daniel...would it be wise for us to split up now, in case the patrols are coming closer as we speak?

McKay: You think?

Sam& Sheppard: McKay...

McKay: Right, right, saving the city.

(They split off: the team doing the diversions and the attacking made up of Jack, Teal'c, Sam, Mitchell, and Ronon. The team assigned to find the device made up of the three girls, McKay, Sheppard, and Daniel. The teams went over the plan once more, and the assault on Atlantis began)

(The group with the girls (team A) is running along when Taylor and Jessie suddenly skid to a halt. Mary manages to miss them but Sheppard, McKay and Daniel smash into them and the five of them fall hard to the floor. Taylor and jess barely manage to keep from getting landed on.)

McKay: What the hell? A little warning next time.

Taylor: (looking around frantically) Shh!

(Taylor phases through a nearby wall. Jessie and Mary help the guys up as Jessie holds onto them all to keep them invisible as a patrol of Genii soldiers comes around the corner up ahead. Sheppard growls almost inaudibly.)

(Suddenly Taylor jumps back out of the wall behind the patrol.)

Taylor: Hey doofuses. Over here.

(The two soldiers go chasing her and start shooting at her but miss as she phases through a door. The two soldiers try to follow her and knock themselves unconscious. Taylor phases back out through wall and looks down on the two with a look of amusement on her face.)

Taylor: Huh. They really were doofuses. (she rejoins the group)

Daniel: Taylor that was extremely dangerous.

Sheppard: Yes it was. It was cool but dangerous.

Mary: Don't do it again.

Taylor: No promises.

(Taylor heads off for the next hallway. Mary, Daniel, Sheppard, and McKay stare after her.)

McKay: She's insane.

Mary: And your point is? (she walks after Taylor)

(The three men now turn to Jessie, who, fearing that she might soon have to comment on the behavior of her friends musters up her best bossy voice.)

Jessie: Alright, no standing around. We've got a city to save!

(The men each give inward shrugs and move down the hallway, Jessie taking up the rear, a little less than watchfully, I'm afraid.)

(Meanwhile, Jack, Mitchell, and Sam were waiting to hear back from Teal'c and Ronon who had scouted ahead down the corridor.)

Jack: Tell me again why we have to be diversions?

Sam: We need to give the others time to find, and figure out how to use, that ...device thing, and we're supposed to take out as many as we can in case it doesn't do what we hope it will.

Jack: (ponders) Hmmm... (turns to Mitchell) Why do we have to be the diversion?

Mitchell: Because otherwise the ladies would have guns.

Jack: Ah! (looks at Sam who is glaring at him) See? That's all you had to say.

(Fortunately for Jack, Teal'c and Ronon are seen returning.)

Teal'c: The way is clear for some ways onward.

Mitchell: No resistance?

Ronon: We didn't say that.

(Indeed, as the group move on, there are little signs of struggle here and there, if one know where to look; a bullet hole here, staff blast there, someone's shoes jutting out from behind a corner...)

Jack: Nice, guys.

Ronon: (grunts)

Teal'c: Indeed

Mitchell: Okay. So we're the diversions. Why don't we seem to actually divert any attention?

Sam: Because Teal'c and Ronon are either killing or knocking out cold everyone we're supposed to be diverting.

Mitchell: Oh.

(They stop as they come up on the hallway that connects to the one with the mess hall. Peeking around the corner they see about five guards guarding the door that leads to the mess hall.)

Jack: Oh this'll be fun.

Mitchell: I wouldn't count on it sir. (indicates Teal'c and Ronon who have already started off towards the guards. They make quick work of them but one of them manages to alert his superiors over a radio and alarms start going off all over the city.)

(Back with team A)

(Hearing the alarms, Taylor stops to listen.)

Taylor: What does that mean?

McKay: It means somebody on that other team let the word get out that we're here. My bet is on Conan or Kojak

Sheppard: (warningly) McKay…

Jessie: So is this bad?

(All stare at her.)

Mary: (sigh) Yes Jessie, this is bad. Now follow Taylor, ok?

Jess: OK! (attempts walking through door also) (thud!) Owww... (opens door and follows Taylor)

(Mary follows and narrowly misses getting hit in the face by the door swooshing closed.)

Mary: (reopening the door and keeping it open for the men) Here, it seems to like the taste of flesh.

(Daniel, McKay, and Sheppard follow warily, some of the door, others of the girls)

----------------------------------


	10. Chapter 10

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 10

----------------------------

(Jack, Ronon, and Teal'c are defending an unconscious Mitchell and Sam.)

Jack: Just whose idea was this!

Teal'c: I (fires at circle of foes) believe that this was (fires)-

Jack: DON'T answer (zat) that Teal'c!

(Some time later, everybody in the group kneels or lies handcuffed.)

Jack: Crap.

Mitchell: (slowly regaining consciousness) Uhnn. I don't know what happened but I have a feeling it wasn't good.

Jack: Were the handcuffs or the guards your first clue colonel?

Mitchell: Actually sir it was my pounding head.

Random Guard Dude #1: Silence.

Jack: I wanna talk to your leader.

RGD#1: I said silence!

Jack: And I said I want to talk to your- (RGD#1 hits him with butt of gun) - leader.

Teal'c: I believe we are well within our rights to ask to speak to your

leader.

RGD#2: You're prisoners; you have no rights.

RGD#3: Commander Kolya will deal with you when he finds time.

(Kolya walks in the door)

Jack: Convenient.

RGD#1: You will remain silent!

Kolya: (looking at Ronon) Where is Sheppard? (Ronon says nothing) Where is Colonel Sheppard? (Ronon glares and still says nothing)

(Meanwhile, the other team, not caught yet, finds the room they were looking for.)

Taylor: I found the room we were looking for! It's through this door!

(All rush inside to see ---- a store room the size of which can only be described as roughly the same size and shape as that room seen at the end of the Indiana Jones movie where they have to get rid of the ark of the covenant.)

Daniel: Yeah, this is going to take awhile.

Sheppard: Move out, but stay alert.

(Taylor, Mary and McKay go left and Sheppard, Daniel and Jess go right.)

Taylor: Do we have any idea what this thing we're looking for looks like?

McKay: Ahh. Unfortunately not.

Mary: So how exactly are we supposed to find it?

McKay: (stops to think) Oh.

Taylor: Yeah 'oh'. Good grief.

Jessie: (from the other side of the room) TAYLOR!

(Taylor takes off immediately in direction of Jess's voice.)

Mary: Oh lovely.

McKay: What? What's going on?

Mary: That's just it. I have no idea, and obviously Taylor either has no clue or thinks they're in trouble or she would have waited.

McKay: Oh.

(The two of them head off in Jessie's general direction, and eventually they come to where Taylor had found the others where they see...)

(Jessie pointing to a large gate set up between two isles, with a sign stating DO NOT ENTER.)

Sheppard: (scratches head) Well now, that's new.

(Jessie just beams happily.)

Taylor: (walks through lock, inspecting its content) Looks pretty solid here guys.

Daniel: Move, please. (she does) Back up please. (they all do)

McKay: What are you going to-?

(Daniel shoots lock off of gate, quite effectively although the physics of such an action seem rather dubious.)

Daniel: That.

McKay: Right. Ladies first!

(Taylor looks down the long, dark, tunnel-like isle.)

Taylor and Jessie: Nu-uh.

Mary: Oh, for Pete's sake. (walks in)

Sheppard: (glares at McKay) Despicable... (follows, gun at the ready)

McKay: What?

(The others likewise glare and follow.)

McKay: No, really, what? (follows)

(Meanwhile, the other heroes have been moved to a not-quite-comfy little communal jail cell, far from the other prisoners. Sam is also awake, and the handcuffs have been removed from all.)

Sam: Guys? What happened? Where are we?

Mitchell: We were captured. Then this Kolya guy came and ranted for awhile about how he was going to find Sheppard and kill him and blah blah blah. Then when he couldn't get us to tell him whether or not Sheppard was in the city, he had us brought here.

Jack: None too gently one might add.

Teal'c: Indeed.

Mitchell: So what's our game plan people?

Ronon: We get out of the cell.

Mitchell: Given.

Jack: We find the others, because I'm pretty sure the Kolya guy knows they're here.

Sam: Also a given, sir.

Teal'c: We find the device we are looking for.

Mitchell: Still not telling me anything new.

Jack: Okay then. To quote a fairly incompetent scientist, 'Our "Plan" is to have a plan.' (Mitchell groans. Sam smiles slightly. Ronon irritably kicks the bars of the cell, and Teal'c just raises an eyebrow at the Satedan's actions.)

-------------------------


	11. Chapter 11

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 11

-------------------------

(Back with the others)

(Mary leads way down hallway with the twins following close behind. Daniel is walking behind them. Sheppard is behind him and keeping and eye on their six. McKay is still trying to figure out why Sheppard called him despicable. Then the hallway dead ends.)

Daniel: Now what?

M: Ummm...say Taylor, come here.

Taylor: What?

Mary: (grabs Taylor's elbow and walks into wall. And through it. And back.) Hee hee. Sweet!

Sheppard: Hey, what was on the other side of that wall?

Taylor: (gently pulls arm out of Mary's grip) I don't know. I was back through it almost before I knew I'd gone through it in the first place.

Mary: What? I had to try it; it's cool.

Jess: It is.

Taylor: I can go look again if you want.

Sheppard: (pauses) Actually (hesitates) could you maybe take me with you? (Rodney snorts) …to have a look around and for back up if she needs it.

Taylor: (grins) Absolutely!

(Sheppard takes hold of Taylor's shoulder, and the two step through the wall into...)

Sheppard: Whoa.

Taylor: (gasp) Wow... (pause, followed by giggling) I so have to tell Jessie!!!

Sheppard: Hey, no, don't- (Taylor walks back through the wall.) -leave me in a strange room alone. (sigh) Well, at least I have a gun.

(Sheppard makes a quick search of the room, and after making sure that there is no one unfriendly - or friendly, for that matter - present, goes back to waiting by the wall they came through.)

Sheppard: What's taking them so long?

(On the other side of the wall…)

Taylor: Oooh! Jessie!!

Jessie: What!!

Taylor: It's so pretty!!

Jessie: Shiny?

Taylor: Yeah!

(They squeal happily.)

McKay: What is in there? Where's Sheppard?

(The twinlings do not hear him.)

Daniel: Jessie?

Taylor? GIRLS!!

Mary: Minions! Attention!

Taylor and Jessie: (immediately stop and snap to attention) Aaaahhh! What?

Mary: They asked you a question. Please answer them. Well, Rodney. Daniel just tried to get your attention.

Taylor: (to McKay sheepishly) Sorry. Umm. It's, uh, pretty room, with the lights, and-

McKay: Shep-pard. SHEPPARD. Where did you leave him?

Taylor: (surprised) Oh, uh, here.

(With Taylor's aid all are taken through the wall of the dead end, from the dank and dusty darkness into a bright room full of lights. Sheppard stands waiting nearby.)

Taylor: (looking at him sheepishly) I'm sorry. I just kinda reacted to the shiny. I wouldn't normally...

Sheppard: S'ok. Nothing happened and you came back so...

Daniel: Did you look around at all?

Sheppard: No. just stayed put. But that big thing in the middle of the room looks important and horrifyingly familiar in a way.

(All heads turn to regard the pedestal in the middle of the room that looks somewhat like a cross between the puzzle one from Dagan and the one from Window of Opportunity.)

Daniel: I'll have to agree with you one that.

(Taylor, Jessie and Mary groan)

Sheppard: What?

Mary: It's just that those pedestal thingies always lead to treasure hunts of some sort.

(Mary, Taylor and Jessie's faces perk up.)

Taylor: On the other hand, they always lead to treasure hunts. (grinning madly)

Daniel: Mary, will you help me translate these symbols?

(Mary nods and goes to help him. Taylor goes to Sheppard looking apologetic still and the two of them take to a corner of the room and begin discussing something that might have had to do with flying a puddle jumper if the way Sheppard was moving his hands was any indication. McKay glared at Jessie and she grins, bounces, and then wanders over to examine and odd air vent in the wall.)

McKay: So, Mary is it? What do you know about this altar-device-thingy?

Mary: That it's a big altar-device thingy?

McKay: Oh wonderful, we're resting our hopes on an idiot!

Sheppard: MCKAY!

(Daniel glares)

Mary: (smiles) Oh! Thank You! That means so much to me!

Taylor: Hey? What about us? We're idiots too!

Jessie: Yeah! That's not fair... (pouts)

Mary: Uh-oh.

McKay: What? (still very embarrassed, but now also confused in a 'crap-what's-gonna-hurt-me?' way)

Mary: Well, Jessie is pouting.

Sheppard: And that's bad?

Daniel: (rubs eyes in exasperation) Can you Not make this worse please?

Mary: Well, Jessie pouts, and Taylor gets angry.

(Indeed, Taylor is now glaring murderously at McKay and Sheppard.)

McKay: But all I did was-

Mary: -call me an Idiot. I know. Just be glad I'm not mad at you too. Now, offer her a cookie before Taylor takes a tennis racket rim to your head.

Taylor: What? I wasn't planning on that. Hmm...That's actually a good idea...

McKay: (with his voice breaking in fear) Jessie, I'm sorry and the next time I can I'll get you a cookie. Three in fact!

Jessie: (immediately perks up) Okay! (wanders off pointedly, back to the air vent)

Daniel: Uh, Mary? Little help here?

Mary: Hmm? Oh, sorry. (returns to device)

(Sheppard walks over to McKay, where he is standing apart.)

Sheppard: That was close.

McKay: Yeah. Wow. We do have cookies here somewhere, right?

Sheppard: I'm sure if we don't we can get some.

Taylor: (walks over) Sorry about the look of death guys.

Sheppard: You're not mad anymore?

Taylor: Nah. It was really more of a matter of honor.

McKay: But? But? I insulted you?

Taylor: Nah. You insulted Mary, and she was the first Overlord.

Sheppard: But she wasn't mad.

Taylor: (wide eyes) Oh no. We've never seen her mad.

McKay: Never?

Jessie: Umm. Guys? Am I going crazy?

Mary: (from device) No more than Usual.

Jessie: Then I think You might want to come over here.

(Sheppard and McKay and Taylor walk over to Jessie, conveniently located by an air duct, through which can be heard...)

Jack: Fine. I'm just saying that when we get out I'd rather make the coffee. Daniel always makes his coffee too strong.

Taylor: (into air vent) Jack?

Jack: (through air vent, echo-y and metallic) Taylor? You there?

Mitchell: Where?

Jack: I dunno, that's why I'm asking.

Taylor: We're not there. We're here. But we can hear you. You guys ok?

Teal'c: We have been captured and imprisoned.

Taylor: Ah. You guys alone? No Bad Guys?

Jack: No. Say, here's an idea, if you're not too busy, can you Get Us OUT Of Here?

----------------------


	12. Chapter 12

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 12

----------------------------

Sheppard: Right away General. (turns to Daniel) Come on Daniel, Mary, we need to move out.

Mary: In a minute.

Sheppard: What? No. Not a minute. Now!

Mary: I said (presses button) in (presses other) a min- (press) -ute (press) ok? (press, press)

Daniel: Uh...and what does that do?

Mary: I'm not sure. We'll see. But I think that it's going to bring out the ancient bad-guy killing device.

Daniel: Ah.

(pause)

Sheppard: Now what? (pause) Nothing is happening.

Mary: Well it should have- oh wait... (presses last button) there we go!

Jack: NOW WOULD BE NICE, COLONEL!!!

Taylor: Maybe if you ask nicely.

Sam: You'll have to forgive him. He gets cranky when he doesn't have guards to annoy.

Teal'c: We would all be grateful if you were to come release us.

Taylor: Alright. (steps back and considers the vent) See ya in a bit. (turns to others) Can one or two of you come with me? I'm not real sure how fancied up the cell they are in is, and I don't think I can phase through shields.

Sheppard: Alright, I'll go and Jess can come with us. (turns to Mary,

Daniel, and McKay) McKay, can I trust you not to incite a riot?

McKay: (sputtering)

Sheppard: (He smirks, and turns back to Taylor.) So onward?

Taylor: (She smiles, grabs both his arm and Jessie's and pulls the two of them after her through the vent cover. They start crawling.) This is easier than phasing and I don't want to wear myself out incase I have to do it a lot more soon.

Jessie: You want we go invisible when we get there so we can go through wall and not be seen if guards have shown up?

Sheppard: If the question was directed at me my answer is yes. If it was directed at Taylor, then sorry.

Taylor: (grinning) She was asking you. She knows I like being invisible.

(Meanwhile… McKay looks back at Mary, who is standing in front of the pedestal on which the ancient device rests.)

McKay: Well, now we have it. Down to business.

Daniel: (exasperated) It's not that easy. We don't know what it does, if it still works; we don't even know what to call it!

McKay: Oh. Well, if I had my laptop I could get some readings off of this, but I left mine in the Kolya-infested gate room.

Mary: (looking at device intently) Nothing is written on it.

Daniel: Nothing?

Mary: One would assume that the ancients would have known how it worked.

McKay: Yes, one would.

Mary: Sarcasm? Hee. It wasn't too bad.

(…and further on in the unusually large air vent...)

Jessie: This is boring, are we there yet?

Taylor: (in front) Not yet. And hush, they might hear you.

Jessie: But they won't be able to see us so we'll be fine and we will confuse them a lot. (giggles)

Taylor: (giggles as well) Oh, right. Sweetness!

Sheppard: (last in the vent) They could very well just shoot the air vent. Then invisible or not we'd be full of bullet holes.

(pause)

Taylor: Killjoy.

Jessie: Taylor? I don't want to be a bullet-ridden corpse.

Taylor: Then don't be a bullet-ridden corpse.

Jessie: (cheerfully) Okay!

(…and further along the line…)

Jack: This is taking too long.

Teal'c: They are crawling through a vent. It may take some time, O'Neill.

Mitchell: Teal'c is right. Give 'em some time.

Ronon: (playing look-out) Guard is coming.

(the unknown genii guard enters)

Jack: Ah. So you've come with our apology then? Right. Let us out of here and I'll consider it.

(Genii ignores him.)

Guard: I am to inform you that, as prisoners of war, you will be executed at dawn.

Sam: And when is dawn, exactly?

Guard: (silence for a moment, considering whether or not to answer)

Mitchell: Oh come on! We don't have windows in here! (The guard leaves without another word.) Spoilsport.

Teal'c: O'Neill, I hear them coming.

(Clanging sounds fill the room and after a few seconds there is a thumping sound.) (Taylor, Jessie, and Sheppard appear.)

Jack: 'Bout freaking' time.

Taylor: (raises eyebrows) Would you like us to leave?

Mitchell and Sam: NO!!

Jessie: Then make him be nice.

(Sam smacks O'Neill's arm.)

Jack: Oww. Okay, okay I'm sorry. Sheesh. Who would have thought they would be so temperamental.

(All stare)

Mitchell: Um. With all due respect, sir-

Teal'c: They are but young women.

Sheppard: Rodney had to promise to give Jessie a cookie because he didn't call her an idiot.

(Jessie and Taylor grin happily.)

Jack: Oh.

Ronon: Will you just let us out now?

Taylor: Sure. We'll just...ah...hmm.

Jack: Now what?

Taylor: Well, do we take you back through the vent or let you out to get the guards?

Ronon: That would be stupid. We're outnumbered and don't even have any weapons.

Sheppard: Actually, we do.

(Most everyone looks at him with that "he's lost his mind" stare. Jessie, however, has begun stealthily sidling to her left.)

Sheppard: Well, with these two we can walk through walls and be invisible, you know.

Ronon: Well then.

Jack: Ah. Right. Now then, shall we vote? Go back or Attack? Hands up for-

(Meanwhile, back in the secret room; Mary looks up from the ancient device with a look of sheer terror.)

Mary: Oh dear god!

----------------------------


	13. Chapter 13

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 13

---------------------------------

(Mary reaches for Daniel, namely his shoulder, namely the radio there, and, dragging Daniel over, clicks the little button.)

Mary: Taylor! Taylor pick up!

(Taylor, on the other side of the vent, lunges for, and grabs, Sheppard's radio, pulling him over.)

Taylor: What?

Mary: I'm not there! Somebody watch out for Jessie!

Taylor: What are you talking about? We're fine over here.

Jack: So it's settled. Back to meet up with Jackson and McKay and then we'll all head out to-oomph.

Taylor: (freezes and slowly turns to look at jack) Sorry Mary, I wasn't fast enough.

Jessie: (giggles of joy)

Jack: (sigh) Somebody get her off of me please?

Taylor: (sighs) Jess, Hun, you gotta let him go.

Jessie: Why?

Taylor: One, because he can't be all macho, gung-ho Jack with you hanging off him; two, because he can't crawl back through the vent like that; and three, because I'm asking you

to.

Jessie: But-but-but...

Taylor: Jess please.

(Taylor walks over and slowly pries her twin off Jack who then goes and hides behind Teal'c. Jessie affixes her twin with a mournful look and Taylor whispers something in her ear. Jessie immediately perks up and begins the trek back through the air vent.)

Mitchell: What did you tell her?

(Taylor flashes him a 'wouldn't-you-like-to-know' smile and follows her twin.)

Sheppard: In my experience it's best not to ask. (follows girls through air vent)

(…back in the room…)

Daniel: What was that about?

Mary: Jessie glomped Jack.

McKay: Glomped?

Daniel: Call it a death grip.

McKay: (paling slightly) Oh.

(Jessie tumbles out of the air vent and skips over to Mary where she bounces on her feet.)

Mary: How did Taylor get you off of Jack?

Jessie: What? Oh. She said I could- (glances around and leans forward to whisper in Mary's ear)

Mary: (eyes widen) Oh dear goodness. I am so not helping with that. That's just so, so, that's wrong!

Jess: No it's not. It's fun! And will be absolutely delicious... (begins to giggle)

(Taylor is next through air vent, and sees the giggling.)

Taylor: So you told her then?

Jessie: Yep! (continues giggling)

Taylor: (begins to giggle as well) Sorry, Mary, she's twin. Besides, it sounds fun.

Mary: Does not. I'll have no part of it.

Taylor: But, Mary, you can't not let us. Please??

Jessie: (stops giggling and assumes the puppy dog pout) Please???

Mary: That doesn't work on me; I taught it to you, you know.

(The pout stops, but the pleading remains.)

Mary: How about I won't help you but I won't hinder you at all either? Is that okay?

Taylor: Well, you're the boss, boss.

(Jessie resumes giggling and bouncing.)

(The others, all save Sam, have long since exited the vent and have been watching this exchange with growing looks of horror and worry. Sam finally comes out.)

Sam: The vent is closed, sir. They won't know how we escaped. Wait, what's with the looks? Daniel?

(Both he and McKay have also grown worried and are too busy eyeing the twins to reply.)

Sam: Mary, what did you do?

Mary: I simply agreed not to hinder those two in carrying out a plan I don't agree with.

Mitchell: But how...I thought you had the final say. Aren't you the Supreme Commander or something?

Taylor: (cough) overlord (cough)

Mary: Yes, but I have to let them have some fun.

Sam: (quite unafraid) Does it have anything to do with me?

Mary: Nope. Not at all.

(The others look dumbstruck at this straightforward brilliance, and a chorus of "what about me?" arises.)

Mary: Oh hush. (they all stop) I can't tell you.

Taylor: Weren't we here to save a city?

Jessie: Yeah, guys, get with the picture.

(All stare at jess in amazement)

Jessie: What?

(Taylor leans over to Jessie and mutters softly.)

Jessie: Oooooh. Sorry. (smiles brightly and steps away from the pedestal)

Sheppard: So, McKay. Did you guys ever figure out how to work this thing?

McKay: No. we were maybe possibly getting close and then Mary freaked out and grabbed Jackson's radio. So no. We haven't.

Sheppard: No? You've had the past (glances at his watch) twenty minutes. I thought surely you'd have it figured out by now. (all very sarcastically)

(McKay glares. Taylor and Jessie giggle quietly, and Mary looks at them confused. Taylor walks over and talks to Mary but what she is saying is drowned out in the noise of the verbal 'fight' that has begun between Sheppard and McKay.)

Mary: (to Taylor) So what you're saying is that you think it may not work at all?

(Jessie says something that is also incomprehensible but is making motions with her hands that Mary doesn't quite understand.)

Mary: I'm a little confused girls.

Taylor: We think is possible that perhaps it has no writing because we can't see it yet.

(Mary answers by giving Taylor a confused look.)

Jessie: (points at pedestal) -is almost exactly the same as the puzzle thing they found on Dagan.

Taylor: So based on this we believe perhaps is a puzzle we have to solve.

Mary: So it's not what we're looking for?

Jessie: It is, it's just-

Taylor: -not complete.

Mary: Right. Care to help me look for the whosits that makes the flanges with the whatnots?

Taylor: Indubitably!!

Jessie: Uh, what she said.

(The girls begin searching every inch of the device and pedestal. Behind them, the banter continues, and has been joined by Jack and Ronon as well, with Mitchell acting like he's just waiting for an opening.)

Taylor: Hey jess! Come here. What does this look like to you?

Jessie: What?

Taylor: These three marks right here. Could they be a clue?

Jess: Probably not.

Mary: So, what are we looking for exactly?

(The banter gets louder.)

Taylor: It could conceivably be anything, but ---

(Her voice is drowned out.)

Mary: What?

Taylor: What?

Jessie: I'm confused.

Mary: You know, it would be easier to do this if they'd stop talking.

(The twins nod. All three share a look.)

(The girls walk over to the group. Taylor takes hold of the back of Sheppard's shirt, Jessie of Jack's, and Mary of McKay's. they all simultaneously pull backwards, knocking the men off of their feet, and step out of the way so all three hit the floor. Mitchell suddenly looks very glad that he did not join the banter at all. Sam suppresses giggles.)

Mary: Now then, where were we?

------------------------------


	14. Chapter 14

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 14

------------------------------------------

(The three men look like they're about to protest the rough treatment but think better of it at the glare they receive from Taylor.)

Taylor: What I was saying was that it could conceivably be anything at all but likely will be something we might recognize because the ancients were our ancestors.

Mary: Ah.

(The three of them walk back over to the pedestal, while the others share a confused look. Being highly perceptive, Sheppard pieces together some of the seemingly random things he has heard since the girls saw the pedestal.)

Sheppard: …So you think that this pedestal is a puzzle pedestal?

Taylor: (glances over her shoulder at him) Yes. But as to what the puzzle is... we have no idea.

Daniel: I think Taylor was probably right in saying that it will likely be something we recognize.

McKay: Here's a question. What would solving said puzzle do? We already know where the device is. (points at the thing on the pedestal)

Jessie: (without looking at him) It'll lift the shield so we can see the writing so we can know how to work it.

McKay: There's a shield now?

Jessie: (seriously) Of course.

McKay: Right. Need any help over there girls?

Taylor and Jessie: NO.

Mary: Yes. Please do. (turns to others) You might want to make yourselves comfortable. This could take a while.

(About an hour later…)

(Mary and Taylor hit their heads together for the third time.)

Taylor: Owww...

Mary: This isn't working. What do you think? Shifts work?

Taylor: Shifts. I'll take first with Jess.

Mary: Sweet. (pulls McKay away from the base of the pedestal) Come on Rodney, let's take a break.

McKay: But, we have to-

Mary: -take shifts. I know.

(They walk over to where the others have settled into a routine of their own.)

Mitchell: (looks at his watch) Well, it's been an hour. I'd better go relieve Sheppard.

Jack: Yes. Go. Relieve. Bring back pizza.

Sam: Sir, we have rations if you're hungry.

Jack: Hmm...Pizza. Pizza and beer.

Sam: (with a smirk) Yes sir. Pizzas and beer. Sounds good to me.

Daniel: (from the depths of his notebook) I'll take pepperoni, extra cheese.

(Sheppard returns in Mitchell's place and slides to the floor, leaning against the

wall.)

Sheppard: Daniel, what are you reading?

Daniel: It's some of the information we got out of the Atlantis mainframe. I'm cross-referencing to see if anything mentions or matches the device.

McKay: He puts that into little notebooks?

Jack: (shrugs) It keeps him happy.

Teal'c: Should we be talking so loudly? Are we not attempting stealth?

Mary: (slumping to the ground in exhaustion) No Teal'c, probably not, but I highly doubt its going to stop us. (glances over to where Taylor and Jessie are working their way up from the bottom, pointing things out to each other at random)

Sheppard: Are you guys absolutely sure about this whole puzzle thing Mary?

Mary: Yes. I know it's kind of far-fetched but when the twins agree on something as strongly as they do on this they're rarely ever wrong.

McKay: …About that. How are they twins? They look nothing alike.

Mary: They aren't related. They didn't even meet each other until high school. But they're best friends and are very very close to the point where they have developed an almost telepathic bond. What one thinks the other thinks. And it doesn't just happen rarely. It's a fairly common occurrence. But I think the most important part about it is that they don't care that they aren't related. As far as they're concerned they were separated at birth.

McKay: Oh (still looks a touch confused but mostly seems to get it)

(The group turns to watch the two girls. Taylor stands up, glares at the pedestal and attempts to phase through it. There is a blinding flash of light, followed closely by a

'thump'.)

Taylor: Ow! Ow! OW!

(The light clears. Taylor is against the wall where she was apparently thrown by the force field. She pushes herself to her feet and rubs at her right arm before stomping back over to the device.)

Daniel: (now standing by the pedestal and looking concerned, as is everyone else) You alright?

Taylor: Yeah. Fine. (shares a look with her twin and Jessie relaxes)

Jessie: I guess that's a 'no' to the phasing through the force field thing then.

Taylor: Yeah. (glares at it and backs up a step, obviously preparing to kick it)

Sam: Taylor I don't think that's (Taylor kicks it hard. A panel falls open on the side.) …a good idea. Huh.

(Sam walks over to the pedestal, and Taylor and Jessie slink away looking nervous.)

Mary: (unhappily) Taylor, Jessie, No Cookies for you!

Sam: No, wait, I think she found something here...

Mary: Never mind. Non-cookie-ing revoked.

(Taylor and Jessie giggle.)

Sheppard: (aside to Jack) Is it bad that I understood that?

Jack: Probably.

Sheppard: Ah.

Sam: Sir? There's a...a hidden panel here.

(Everyone stands expectantly.)

Jack: ...and?

Sam: Sir?

Jack: What does it do?

Sam: I don't know yet.

Jack: Ah. (he sits back down) Did anyone bring cards? Anyone?

(The others sit down as well.)

Jack: Anyone at all?

(Some time later…)

Jessie: Taylor?

Taylor: Yes Jessie?

Jessie: I'm bored.

Taylor: You're always bored, Jess.

Mary: (giggles) Ooh, that was nice.

Taylor: (giggles) Wasn't it? And we didn't plan it either!

Jessie: (giggles) What? I'm confused.

Mary: The quoting of the lines of Merry and Pippin from Lord of the Rings.

(Mary and Taylor giggle more.)

Jessie: Okaaaay. I'm going over there now.

(Over there happens to be by the pedestal.)

Taylor: Mary, I really am bored though.

(Jessie pokes the hidden panel. Sam slaps her hand away.)

Mary: I know. Hmmm...Tiddlywinks?

Taylor: Tiddlywinks!

(Jessie patiently waits for Sam to look away and pokes the now-not-so-hidden panel again. The lighted crystal grid that was hidden behind the panel now moves.)

Jessie: AAAAAAAAAH!

---------------------------------------


	15. Chapter 15

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 15

---------------------------------------------------

(Jessie runs and hides behind Taylor.)

Taylor: What?

(Ronon looks for Kolya's men. Teal'c stands with his gun raised.)

Jessie: IT BIT ME!

Mary: It did not bite you.

Jessie: Well, then it moved!

Jack: (wakes up from a light nap) What now?

Taylor: (looks over at jack) Jessie touched the panel (Sam glares at Jessie, who smiles her innocent Cheshire cat grin back) and it lit up.

Ronon: Why was she screaming?

Jess: It bit me!

Mary: It didn't.

Jessie: Fine. Then it not-bit me.

Ronon: And you screamed?

Jessie: Yes.

(Ronon stares at the girl for a minute, notices the way Taylor is glaring at him and the fact that Mary seems to be daring him to continue)

Sheppard: Let it go.

Ronon: She-

Sheppard: (glares) I said let it go.

(Ronon glares at Jessie, who has sidled nervously closer to her twin, for a moment longer before nodding and sitting back down. Taylor shoots Sheppard a thankful look which he acknowledges with a smile.)

Sheppard: So what's with the lights? McKay? (He looks at Rodney who is now examining the panel with Sam.)

McKay: Well, it...ah, moved.

Jack: ...and?

(McKay gives Jack a look.)

Jack: Right. Keep on it then. (closes eyes again)

Taylor: (pokes Jessie who is now unsuccessfully trying to stare down Ronon) Twin? Do it again.

Jessie: What?

Daniel: Are you sure that's wise?

Jess: Yeah, it BIT ME, remember.

Mary: It DID NOT bite you.

Jess: Oh, right. (glares at Ronon)

Ronon: Would you stop doing that?

Taylor: Here. (she escorts Jessie to the pedestal) Do it again so we know what you did in the first place.

(Jessie tentatively pokes the grid again. The grid piece she poked clearly moves to the right and the others slide around as well.)

(silence for a moment)

McKay: Cool.

Sam: Very Cool.

Jack: (with his eyes still closed) What happened?

Teal'c: The panel shifted.

Jack: Just tell me when there's something for me to do.

Jessie: Was that a bad thing?

(Sam and McKay shrug. Mitchell comes quietly sprinting down the little hall)

Mitchell: What happened? I heard a faint scream.

Jessie: (pouting) IT-

Mary: (in a warning tone) Glitter...

Jessie: Nothing's wrong, I guess. I got scared when it moved.

Mitchell: (confused puppy face) What moved?

Sheppard: Shouldn't you be guarding or something?

Mitchell: I set up some Claymores.

(Taylor rolls her eyes and mutters something about testosterone and explosions while Sheppard glares at Mitchell.)

Sheppard: You set up claymores in the city? And not just in the city but in the hallway we have to run back up to get out of here? Tell me you're kidding!

Mitchell: Oh. (blinks) I never thought of it that way.

Sam: I'm just gonna keep my opinion to myself.

Taylor: (to jess) Poke it again.

Jessie: But-

(In the background the military goons are having a debate over something to do with claymores and escape routes.)

Taylor: Please twin.

(Jessie hesitates and pokes the panel again. The tiles slide around yet again. One of them slides into a corner and makes a chinking sound. Confused Jessie tries to move it but it won't budge.)

Jessie: Ummm. Guys? (everyone turns to look at her.) Now this one won't move.

Daniel: Maybe it means that that's where it's supposed to be.

Sam: So like a sliding puzzle.

Daniel: Yeah. I guess. I mean I really have no idea. There's writing on the tiles but its gibberish. I assume that means there's a certain order they're supposed to go in. There's little figures down in the bottom right-hand corner that probably signify where each tile is supposed to go in the grid.

Jack: What? Tile? Grid? Figures?

Sheppard: Don't worry about it sir. We've got it covered. (turns back to them) We do have it covered right?

Daniel: No. The tiles chink into place and won't move when they hit the right spot but we have no way of knowing what goes where. And if too many tiles chink into place before we get a basic idea of what it should look like, we run the risk of not being able to move some of the tiles into their spots.

Sheppard: Oh.

McKay: So who wants to try and not screw up the puzzle?

Mary: Let Jessie do it.

Every one but Mary and Taylor: What?!

Taylor: No. Mary's right. Jess is pretty good at these kinds of things and she was the one who activated it in the first place so...

Mitchell: But she has no idea what she's doing on this one.

Jessie: (sits before pedestal and happily begins poking away at the tiles) I never do.

Jack: (glares at Mary) If this doesn't work...

Mary: Yes, yes, you'll cut me up into little tiny pieces and dissolve them in acid.

McKay: Eww.

Taylor: Jack? You wouldn't do that would you? That's mean.

Jack: What? It wasn't my idea!

(Mary and Taylor giggle.)

Jack: Oh, you two, just, Go Sit Over There!

(Mary and Taylor giggle more and walk to the designated time-out spot.)

Sam: So, Jessie, do you have any idea what you're doing?

Jessie: I poke them. They move.

Sam: Yes, but, what about...

Jessie: I think I've got it.

Sam: (dejected) Oh. Well, if you need help...

Jessie: (looks up and smiles) I'll ask you first, okay?

(Sam smiles)

Daniel: Hey, why not me? I'm good at puzzles.

(No one answers, as all are settling in again.)

Daniel: Hey?!

Jack: It's no use. Cards?

Mitchell: Fine. But we're not done with this.

Sheppard: Indeed not.

(Mitchell takes a seat. Mary and Taylor resume the game of tiddlywinks.)

Ronon: Any idea how long this is going to take? We're on enemy territory here, and everyone else is locked up.

McKay: (gloomily) Oh, who knows. It could be minutes, hours, Days...

Sam: Cheer up. You're making ME feel depressed.

McKay: Hmm? Oh, sorry. I'm sure this will all work out just fine. Unless we all die first.

(Sheppard just shakes his head.)

(Some time later, now Mary and Teal'c are playing tiddlywinks, while Taylor

coaches Teal'c on how to play.)

Jessie: (piece slides in with a chink) Uh, Guys? I think that was the last one.

(Everyone looks up, but no one really gets up, knowing this would probably just be a waste of effort.)

Daniel: (walks over) Hmm...

(A few minutes later…)

Jack: WHAT?

Daniel: It's no use. It's still gibberish.

Jack: (getting angry) Jessie...Mary...just how are you going to fix this, huh?

Daniel: Oh, no, the pieces are all in the right places. The markers on the tiles tell us that. It's just that the symbols don't make coherent since.

Sheppard: Now what?

Taylor: (looks at Mary pointedly)

Mary: What?

Taylor: (nods at the panel)

Mary: What?

Taylor: (nods at the panel again and phases her hand through the floor)

Mary: Taylor use words!

Jessie: She wants you to see if it makes sense to you because your power is you can read languages.

Mary: Why couldn't she just say that?

Jessie: Because she's trying the stoic silent thing and just signed it.

Mary: Why?

Jessie: Because she-

Jack: Ladies! (they look up guiltily) Mary could you please just look at the panels.

Mary: Okay I guess.

------------------------------


	16. Chapter 16

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 16

--------------------------------------------------

(Mary studies the tiles.)

Daniel: Can you read them?

Mary: Yeah.

Sam: What's it say?

Mary: It says "Those who seek to reap destruction must first prove themselves as worthy of the power to do so by giving definite proof of their relation to the creators of said power."

Mitchell: What, it seriously says that?

Mary: No but that's the general gist of things.

Mitchell: Oh.

Jack: Alright so how do we prove that we're related to the ancients and prove ourselves worthy or whatever?

Jessie: Do we have to sacrifice something. I don't want to sacrifice something.

Sheppard: We're not sacrificing anything.

Mary: Wait a minute...

(pause)

Daniel: What?

Mary: I'm reading. Hold on.

(slightly longer pause)

Jack: Well?

Mary: Umm...that bit about definite proof? There's a bit here that sounds like they want, uh, cells.

Ronon: What?

Sam: Cells? Oh! That's brilliant!

Jack: WHAT is brilliant?

Jessie: You know Jack, you should really calm down...

(Jack glares at her.)

Sam: Cells. Proof that we're descended from the ancients.

McKay: DNA.

Daniel: Blood then. Hmm.

Jessie: Eww.

Taylor: Do they need everyone's blood then?

Jessie: (quietly) Please say no. Please say no. Please say no.

Sam: Probably not. Just someone's I'd guess.

Jack: Alright. (he pulls out a pocket knife) Just tell me where the blood goes.

Teal'c: O'Neill, is this wise?

Jack: What? I'm the one with all the ancienty-dna-stuff. I'd be best if it were me.

Taylor: He's probably right you know.

Jessie: But isn't Sheppard's gene supposed to be stronger? (Everyone looks at her.) Oh. (Everyone looks from Sheppard to Jack and back again.)

Sam: She's right sir. And he does live here.

McKay: Not to mention Atlantis is practically in love with him.

Sheppard: They're right sir. (steps forward) I'll-

Jack: Like hell you will colonel. You may live here but I'm ranking officer and I will be the one to do this. Carter, where does the blood go?

Sam: (She points at a rivulet in the top of the device.) Here sir.

(Jack steps forward to the pedestal and neatly slashes his forearm diagonally. The rivulet fills, and Jack steps back where Sam hastily bandages the cut.)

Taylor: Wow.

Jessie: Yeah.

Jack: (looking up from his arm) What?

Taylor: Didn't that...hurt...and such?

Jack: Ow.

Mary: Umm...guys? Isn't it supposed to be doing something...ancienty?

Daniel: But, well yeah.

McKay: Maybe his blood wasn't good enough?

Jack: Hey!

Daniel: By all accounts it should have been.

Mary: Is it the device? Is the Jewel not working?

Mitchell: Right, something built by the ancients doesn't work.

(pause)

Daniel: Maybe Jack's blood really wasn't good enough after all.

Jack: HEY! Standing right here!

Mitchell: Right. My turn then. (rolls up his sleeve)

Daniel: Wait. Sam, come take a look at this. You too McKay, Mary. Maybe we did something wrong, or there's more to it.

Jack: (mumbling under his breath) Not good enough my-

Jessie: Great. More waiting. Taylor, I'm bored.

Taylor: Tiddlywinks?

(Over in his corner Sheppard rolls his eyes, sidles up to the pedestal while the others are doing their own things, silently cuts his palm and lets the blood fall into the rivulet, almost immediately the pedestal lights up. There's a vaguely familiar noise and then a shield falls to reveal the Jewel of Atlantis sitting directly on top of the pedestal)

Jack: Colonel did I not order you to-

Sheppard: Actually you didn't. You just said you were going to do it. You never told me I couldn't.

(Girls, including Sam, giggle, though Sam quickly stops. Meanwhile, Ronon, who had been keeping an eye and an ear open for trouble…)

Ronon: Sheppard, trouble

Sheppard: What?

Ronon: (nods toward vent) They're coming. (The clanging sound of someone crawling through a vent becomes completely audible to everyone now.)

Taylor and Jessie: Oooooooh fuzz.

McKay: Fuzz?

Taylor: Yes fuzz.

McKay: You honestly think-

Sheppard: McKay now is not the time. Ideas?

Mitchell: We should split back up. Your group takes the jewel and figures out how to work it and we'll go back to distracting them.

McKay: Oh, Brilliant. Only one problem. There's CLAYMORES down our only way

out!!

Mitchell: Oh. Yeah.

(Everyone groans and appears to be thinking really, really hard.)

Taylor: Wait a second; we don't need the hallway.

Everyone else: Ooooooh.

Mary: Right. What with the walking through walls and whatnot.

(The majority of the party tries very hard to look as thought they had not forgotten this fact but had not brought it up to attempt to keep Taylor out of harm, except for Jessie and Mary who were comfortable with their ignorance, and those members of the party who rarely showed emotion.)

Jack: If you're sure...

Taylor: (impatiently) Yes, yes I'll be fine.

Jessie: Ooh! Can I be invisible now? Please?

Daniel: Well, it would probably help since we aren't the ones who are supposed to be a distraction...

Jessie: Yay!

Mitchell: Uh, hate to burst the happy bubble, but how are the Rest of us going to get out?

Taylor: Well, I can get everyone out two by two, and Jessie can keep everyone out of sight outside until we split up again.

Sam: What do you think sir?

Jack: Sounds good to me.

Mitchell: Okay then, everybody, get your stuff together.

(Shuffles are made to pick up weapons and whatnot set down.)

McKay: About the jewel...is it safe to touch? We aren't sure how to use it yet, you know.

(Mary reaches over and pokes the Jewel. Nothing happens.)

Mary: I think it's good.

McKay: (flustered) That was a stupid thing to do! You could have been...killed...or something!

Jessie: Ooh, can I poke it too?

Taylor: And me??

Teal'c: The guards are getting closer. It would be wise to hurry.

Sheppard: Girls we're going to be carrying the thing around with us. You can poke it later.

Taylor and Jessie: Okay.

-------------------------------


	17. Chapter 17

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 17

---------------------------------------------

(Taylor grabs Jessie and Mary and they disappear. There's a faint sound they've come to associate with Taylor phasing through walls and then a minute of silence before the sound repeats and she reappears.)

Taylor: We're good on that end but were not sure for how long so we really need to hurry. (She grabs Mitchell and Teal'c and pulls them after her through the wall.)

Mitchell: Ok. THAT feels really weird.

Teal'c: Indeed (they suddenly feel hands on their arms and Jessie appears in front of them)

Mitchell: Aren't you supposed to be invisible?

Jessie: I am but you can see me because you are too.

Mitchell: Oh.

(Taylor makes quick work of getting everyone through and as soon as the military people make sure it's safe, Jessie lets them become visible again.)

(On the other side of the wall the Genii finally make it through the vent and are confused to find no one in the room. They quickly tear off down the hallway and meet their unfortunate demise at the hands of the claymores. Back with the group, they hear the explosion and everyone winces, Sheppard and McKay, Jack, Mary, Taylor, and Jessie more than the others.)

Jack: No sense regretting it now. Same groups as before. Everybody split up.

(The groups re-form: Jack, Teal'c, Sam, Mitchell, and Ronon run down the hall in the general direction of the gate room. Sheppard, Mary, Jessie, Taylor, McKay, and Daniel take off in the opposite direction.)

Mary: Where are we going exactly?

McKay: To one of the old labs no one uses anymore.

Jessie: A lab? Why a lab?

Sheppard: Because we're the ones who aren't supposed to get caught.

Jessie: Oh. Right.

(Back to the others, valiantly sneaking forward in the most unsuccessful distraction-ish charge ever.)

Jack: (swears under his breath) You know, people are generally supposed to see the distraction, and be distracted by it.

Mitchell: I can't help it that nobody is here to be distracted!

Ronon: (from the rear of the group and irritably) With all the noise someone is bound to hear--

(The others stop and look at Ronon.)

Sam: What is it?

Ronon: (motions for silence, and stealthily walks over to a door the group just passed) Someone's in here.

(Ronon stands to one side of the door, Teal'c takes position on the other side, and Ronon hits the panel to open the door and rushes in, while Teal'c covers him. Silence from inside. Finally Ronon comes out.)

Ronon: Guess who I found?

(Teyla appears in the hallway behind Ronon.)

Sam: Teyla.

Teyla: Colonel Carter, Colonel Mitchell, General O'Neill, Teal'c. What are you doing here?

Sam: We're rescuing the city.

Teyla: (looks at Ronon) You did not get Colonel Sheppard?

Ronon: He's in another part of the city with McKay, three girls and some guy who was here before

Teal'c: Doctor Jackson.

Ronon: Yeah. Him.

Teyla: Three girls? And what are they doing if you are the distraction?

Jack: Let's just go in here and we'll fill you in. (They walk back into the room she'd come out of.)

(The other group has reached the lab they were headed toward.)

Sheppard: (opens the door) Everyone inside. (They all go in and there's a click as Sheppard mentally locks the doors.)

Taylor: That is cool.

McKay: Yes, yes, can we get this thing figured out now?

(McKay, Mary, and Jackson set the Jewel down on the counter and look it over.)

Jessie: Humph.

Taylor: What?

Jessie: Nothing.

Taylor: Whaaat?

Jessie: It's just; it's not as shiny as I thought it would be.

Taylor: You lost me.

Jessie: (waves at the Jewel of Atlantis) It. It's not shiny. And it's got all those squiggles. And it's about as big as a grapefruit.

Taylor: Well, yeah. I'd assume the squiggles were words. And it has to big otherwise there wouldn't be enough room for the words. I'd bet it's a users manual.

Jessie: But, they could have made it shinier.

Taylor: Fair enough. We'll have to complain to them about it.

(In the other room…)

Teyla: So these young women have super-human powers, and we're using them to get and figure out this Jewel that no one has ever heard of before, which is going to kill every one of the Genii?

Teal'c: That is the plan.

Jack: So, you going to be a distraction with us?

Teyla: I shall join you. I can lead you to where the others are being kept, if it will help, but for now, they are in no immediate harm.

Sam: It might me better to leave them where they are.

Mitchell: Yeah. There might be shooting, after all.

Ronon: I'm counting on it.

Jack: Agreed, the others will stay where they are. Now, let's get you some weaponry, Teyla, and then let's move out.

(The group leaves the room after Ronon checks the hallway to make sure its clear.)

Mitchell: Alright, where's the nearest armory?

Teyla: It would be down this hallway, but it is heavily guarded.

Jack: How heavily?

Teyla: There are many of them. They know I am still here and there are many of them at all of the closest armories.

Sam: So where's one we could go to?

Teyla: I believe the armory on the south pier is unguarded.

Ronon: None closer?

Teyla: I do not believe so.

Jack: Alright. South pier it is then.

(The other group...)

(Taylor and Jessie are sitting their corner debating the pros and cons of Atlantis versus the SGC)

Jessie: I don't know. I'm partial to Jack you know.

Taylor: As am I Sheppard. We know. But I'm asking, Underground base or Floating city?

Jessie: Atlantis is shiny.

Taylor: SGC has Siler.

Jessie: Atlantis has those beam-ing elevators.

Taylor: SGC has earth. I like earth.

Jessie: True. Earth has O'Malley's.

Taylor: Atlantis has the view. And you've never been to O'Malley's.

Jessie: You've never seen the view.

McKay: Could you two Not talk about that now?

Daniel: And Please don't start comparing us to one another either.

Sheppard: (from guarding the door) How's it coming over there with you three?

McKay: Oh, fine. We've already figured it out. Now we're just working on cold fusion to pass the time.

Mary: We are? But we haven't even figured out the Jewel yet.

(The men just stare.)

Taylor: (from her corner) He was being sarcastic, boss.

Mary: Oh. Okay.

Taylor: (to McKay) You really oughtn't to do that.

McKay: But...

Sheppard: Yeah, I'm pretty much at a loss here too. So, no progress yet on the Jewel huh?

McKay: ...uh, No.

Sheppard: Right. I'll be over here then. (resumes guard position)

Taylor: Mary? Can't you read it?

Mary: Well yes, its just it doesn't make any sense.

------------------------------------


	18. Chapter 18

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 18

---------------------------------------------------

Jessie: Life doesn't make sense. The answer is 42.

Taylor: (scolding) Jessie. (to Mary) What's it say?

Daniel: It gives very detailed instructions on how to work it.

Sheppard: So what's the problem, McKay? Forgotten how to push buttons?

McKay: There are no buttons to push! There's nothing. It basically says turn on here but here doesn't exist!

(The distraction group has reached the armory and it's not guarded at all.)

Ronon: Trap?

Teyla: I do not believe so. This armory is new. It is possible they do not even know it exists.

Jack: You don't think someone told them?

Teyla: The people of this city would not give up any such information freely and Kolya would not have known to ask.

Jack: Oh. So not a trap?

Teyla: No.

(They go to the armory, Teyla arms herself and they set off back to the main section of the city.)

Mitchell: So do we have a plan on distractions?

Sam: If we head to the control room... they'd be sure to notice us and it would definitely pull anyone away from where the others are if we were trying to dial out.

Jack: To the gate room.

(Back to the linguists and co.)

Jessie: All for one and one for all!

Mary: Jessie, I know you can't help it, but can you keep the randomness down a notch here? We're kinda busy.

Jessie: Sure thing, boss.

Taylor: I'm getting the feeling like we should be hurrying.

Sheppard: Me too.

Daniel: It just, it doesn't make sense! How can we "press here" if there is no "here"?

Jessie: It's a trap? Get an axe?

Taylor: Oh, come on Jessie. Army of Darkness? You can do better.

(Jessie quiets down trying to think of a better movie quote)

McKay: THANK you.

Taylor: No prob.

Mary: We have to be missing something.

McKay: Maybe it wasn't meant to be used. Did the ancients have practical jokes?

Jessie: There is no spoon!

Taylor: Well, The Matrix is better, but-

Mary: No, wait, say that again.

Jessie: Uh, there is no spoon?

Mary: (ponders) Could it be we just can't see the button?

Daniel: Technically...yes.

Taylor: Way to go Jessie! Breakthrough!

Jessie: Huzzah!

Taylor: You do know that no one actually says that right?

Jessie: Huh?

Mary: If I just, (she presses the general area indicated by the writings) press here...

(The Jewel suddenly forms a depression where her finger pressed.)

Taylor: Coolness.

McKay: The letters have changed.

Daniel: I can't believe it. We've got it!

Sheppard: That's great kids, because I can hear gunshots. We might want to hurry to get to the others.

(They all start heading for the door.)

Taylor: Wait.

Sheppard: What? We have to go. They can use the thing now so let's go.

Taylor: Go what? Use it?

McKay: Well yes, that would be why we went to all the trouble of finding it. We knew those idiots would never find it.

Jessie: (picking up on Taylor's point) What does it do?

Daniel: Jessie we've been over this. It destroys anyone the user thinks is an enemy.

Taylor: You don't see that as a problem?

Daniel: What?

Mary: (also understanding) It will kill every Genii in this city. Every single one.

Sheppard: …and this is a problem?

Mary, Taylor and Jessie: Yes.

Sheppard: Why? They are in my city, they've killed my people, and they plan on killing more, this is, of course, not mentioning everything Kolya himself has done.

Taylor: What? Killed his enemies?

Daniel: (finally getting it) So by doing this we would be no better than him.

Jessie: Yes.

Sheppard: Great. Now we're moral. O'Neill is going to kill me because I killed the plan.

Taylor: Actually I killed the plan.

Mary: And anyone killing Taylor has to go through me first, and I'll be angry.

McKay: Well, now what do we do?

Daniel: I say we still go through with the plan, and take the device up to Kolya.

Taylor: WHAT??

Jessie: You are a very bad man.

Daniel: Just because we aren't going to use it doesn't mean that he knows we aren't going to use it.

Taylor: Oh.

Jessie: Ah. Never mind.

Sheppard: Can we hurry then? There's some mighty loud fighting going on that way.

(Back to the distraction team, now proving to be quite a distraction after all.)

(The various members of the distraction are darting around the Gate room in a firefight. All are shouting to be heard over the noise.)

Jack: Carter!

Sam: (on the other side of the room) Sir?

Jack: Any idea when they're gonna show?

Mitchell: The sooner the better!

Teal'c: I am inclined to agree that this is not going as well as could be hoped! (knocks a guy out)

Sam: I'm not sure, Sir! They had to figure that thing out!

(Meanwhile: the linguistics team is rushing down the hallways.)

Jessie: Is it just me or have the hallways gotten longer and more confusing?

Taylor: Yeah, they weren't this bad earlier, were they?

Mary: Now is so not the time to be discussing the space-time continuum.

Jessie: Huh?

McKay: Who said anything about the space-time continuum?

Taylor: Actually, I was about to suggest it...

Sheppard: Quiet. We're almost there. I suggest you get your weapons ready.

Jessie: We have weapons?

Taylor: We don't have weapons, do we?

Mary: Does wit, sarcasm, and a device thingy that can kill count?

McKay: (muttering) Just shoot me now.

Daniel: I think you're about to get that wish.

(They rush around a corner and find themselves standing in the middle of a rather heated gunfight.)

----------------------------------------------


	19. Chapter 19

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 19

--------------------

Everyone: (insert profanity of choice here)

(They remain unseen among the shadows)

Taylor: Right. So... What now?

Sheppard: We get their attention. (He closes his eyes and almost immediately the lights start flickering in a very distracting way. Unfortunately, Kolya's men take advantage of it and put guns to the heads of the distraction team)

Mary: Curses, Sheppard.

Sheppard: (swears violently under his breath and steps forward) Kill them and you die.

Jack: 'Bout darn time, Colonel.

Daniel: We got here as soon as we could Jack. You guys alright?

Jack: Well, other than the guns at our heads, just peachy.

Sheppard: (points his gun at the guy who seems to be in charge in Kolya's absence, who looks ready to pull his trigger on Ronon) I really don't advise that.

Kiran: No?

Sheppard: No.

Kiran: And why not?

Sheppard: (indicates the Jewel McKay is holding) Because we found what you were looking for. And as I said before, kill them and you die.

Kiran: I am Kiran. Kolya's right hand. (Sheppard nods, not seeming surprised) And you must be Colonel Sheppard (Kiran looks at McKay) and Dr. McKay. Nice to meet you.

McKay: Can't say the same.

Kiran: You know that there is no way you could stop me from killing this man.

Sheppard: Were you not listening? Jewel. You. Death. I thought I was clear.

Kiran: (scoffs) You can't know how to use it. You must have only just discovered it; else we would be dead already.

Daniel: (waves hand to get Kiran's attention) Uh, we can use it you know. We just thought you might want to leave without dying.

Kiran: You know we cannot do that. We are under orders.

Sheppard: Ah, yes. And where is the Bastard? Doesn't seem to be here at the moment, now is he?

Kiran: He is with the prisoners. Your people. I'm sure he'd be glad to join us. (He lifts his hand to reveal a radio. In the background is heard the sound of gate symbols being dialed but no one pays it notice.) Shall I call him?

Kolya: No need.

(The gate whooshes as a wormhole forms; Mitchell and Teyla, who'd been relatively close to the gate throw themselves to the ground, their captors are not so lucky and are disintegrated in the 'Kawoosh'. Kolya fires shots and all hell breaks loose.)

Taylor: (confused in all the chaos around her manages to notice the gun aiming at Ronon where he can't see it) Ronon!

(She lunges and pushes him out of the way, managing to phase herself out so the bullet goes right through her.)

Ronon: Thanks for that.

Taylor: Yeah. Sure. Anytime (looks around to try to find her twin as Ronon walks off but is unable to as Jessie has gone invisible to wreak havoc that way)

(As Ronon walks forward, doing his part to rid the world of Kolya's minions, Taylor is suddenly left in the open, still looking for Jessie)

Mitchell: (reaches up and pulls Taylor down) You'll be wanting to find something to hide behind.

Taylor: Right.

(Taylor manages to find a console and crouches, still vainly looking for Jessie.)

Jack: (shouting from across the room) I'm running low here people!

Daniel: Jack! Here!

Jack: (catches the clip Daniel tossed) Thanks!

(Suddenly, one of Kolya's men falls forward and lands on his face in front of Teyla, who promptly knocks him unconscious)

Teyla: That was not an accident.

Jessie: Nope.

Teyla: You would be the invisible one, yes?

Jessie: Yep.

Teyla: Many thanks, friend.

Jessie: No problem. Gotta go!

(Taylor notices Jess's actions and follows the very very vague outline of her twin across the room, trying to draw Jessie's attention.)

Taylor: (hissing) Jess! Jess! Jessie! (notices that Kiran has also noticed the outline and is aiming at Jessie) JESSIE!!! (lunges forward, knocks her twin out of the way, phases through the bullets again)

Sam: Taylor, get Jessie and go back to cover! (she shoots Kiran)

(Taylor pushes Jessie toward her control panel hide out and doesn't notice the gun Kolya has aimed at her. The bullet hits her hard enough to throw her backwards against the wall behind the panel. Taylor screams and everything seems to slow down. Seeing the preoccupation of the team, Kolya makes a break for the gate which only Sheppard notices. Sheppard runs from behind his cover, and rushes toward Kolya, only to notice that one of the nameless soldiers has taken notice of Taylor.)

Sheppard: Damn.

(He alters his route to stand in front of Taylor and shoots at the soldier, while helplessly watching as Kolya runs from cover to cover, heading for the gate.)

(Mary looks up and notices Taylor's gone down.)

Mary: Damn. (She runs up behind Sheppard and checks Taylor's pulse) Good, she's alive.

Taylor: (groggily) Hi Mary.

Mary: Hi Taylor. Let's get you somewhere safer. Ok?

Sheppard: You got her?

Mary: Yeah.

(Sheppard checks, and seeing no one aiming for the girls, runs after Kolya)

Mary: Alright, Tay. Here we go. (She lifts Taylor under her arms and drags her backwards.)

Taylor: We're moving.

Mary: Yes we are.

Taylor: But I like it here.

Mary: I know.

(Another soldier sees the two girls)

Taylor: It's pretty here.

Mary: Hush. We're almost there.

Taylor: Where are we going?

(Ronon shoots the soldier aiming at the girls, but not before he gets a shot off, hitting Mary in the arm)

Mary: Holy...owwwwww. Jessie!

Jessie: (pokes her head up) Yeah-oh! Coming!

(Jessie runs over to the others, going invisible as she runs)

Jessie: Mary, I can't move you both.

Mary: That's fine, take your twin. I can walk. (The three off them manage to get to cover.)

(Meanwhile Kolya has made it to the gate.)

Sheppard: Kolya!

Kolya: Colonel Sheppard. We meet again. I'm afraid I can't stay to talk.

(He jumps through the gate as Sheppard shoots.)

Sheppard: Damn. (Dejected as he's pretty sure he missed because Kolya was already through the gate, he turns to survey the room. Everything is slowing down as the Genii are slowly being killed off. Sheppard notices where the girls are and makes his way carefully over to them, knocking off two or three Genii on the way.)

-------------------------


	20. Chapter 20

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 20

------------------------------------------

Sheppard: (kneeling beside the girls) Hey. (He helps Mary tie a tourniquet around her arm.) Jessie can you-(He trails off as he see Jessie pressing on the bandage like thing they'd tied around Taylor's middle over the wound.)

Jessie: Mary told me to do this.

Sheppard: It was very good advice. Slows the bleeding. Taylor, you okay there? I mean other than the pain?

Taylor: (attempts to focus her eyes on him) Sheppard?

Sheppard: Yeah.

Taylor: Why are there four of you?

Sheppard: It's the blood loss. Just hang in there. This'll be over soon and we'll get Carson to have a look at you. (to Mary) Both of you.

Jessie: Did Kolya get away?

Sheppard: Yeah. I think so.

Taylor: Sorry.

Sheppard: What?!

Taylor: I'm sorry. If I hadn't- (He cuts her off.)

Sheppard: Don't even go there. It wasn't your fault. (he looks at the three of them) It wasn't anyone's fault. (He looks back at Taylor as she groans painfully and her eyes start rolling up in her head) Just hang in there.

Taylor: (whimpering) Will do.

Sheppard: Hey, I'm going to go help end this. There's only a few left. I'll send someone right over.

Jessie: Okay.

Taylor: (muttering incoherently)

Mary: Taylor. Focus Taylor. Don't make me poke you. You know I will.

Jessie: Don't poke her. That's mean.

Mary: (aside) We're keeping her distracted. (to Taylor) Right. I have a bone to pick with you.

Taylor: What?

Mary: Your first trip to Atlantis and you bleed all over the place. That's just rude.

Jessie: She has a point Taylor.

Taylor: Wha? No. No, that wasn't my fault. And you're bleeding too.

Mary: No I'm not. Not on the floor, anyway.

(Sam comes over.)

Taylor: What are you talking about?

Mary: You bleed and stain the floor. I bleed and the blood evaporates before it hits anything.

Taylor: You Lie!

Jessie: Nope. Saw it with my own eyes.

Sam: Girls, let's take a look at you. Now, are you sure neither of you suffered any hits to the head?

Jessie: Nope. They just got shot.

Taylor: I think I may have.

Jess and Mary: What?! Why?! When?!

Taylor: When I hit the wall, and because I cant see straight and...

(trails off)

Sam: Stay with me Taylor. (She shakes her gently and Taylor snaps back to full consciousness with at groan.)

Taylor: It hurts. Jessie... (Jessie grabs her twins hand and squeezes, wincing slightly in a way that appears she may actually be feeling Taylor's pain.)

Sam: (glances up and notices that the fight is over) Alright then. Taylor you think you can walk?

Taylor: No.

Mary: What? Just no? Not even gonna try? You can try!

Jessie: Mary leave her be. She hurts.

Sam: It's alright. Come on. Let's get you up.

(They start to haul her to her feet to at least make it easier to drag her but Sheppard and Jack come over, hoist her into a sit carry between them and take her down to the infirmary. Sam and Jessie help Mary along.)

Jack: (whilst carrying Taylor) Mitchell, Ronon, go get the others out of the holding cell. Find Beckett and get him to the infirmary.

(Daniel and McKay check to make sure none of the dead soldiers are just pretending, and then follow the others. Everyone is quiet for a moment, then...)

Taylor: Mary?

Jack: Should you be talking?

Mary: What?

Sam: It won't do her any harm, Sir.

Taylor: You lied.

Mary: What? Oh, right. Did not.

Taylor: I saw blood on the floor.

Mary: That was yours.

Taylor: ...Aaaaand yours.

Mary: Stop talking if it hurts.

Taylor: Well you're talking and you were shot too.

Mary: And your point is? Hush before you make yourself worse.

Taylor: No! You just won't admit you were wrong!

Daniel: What are the two of you talking about, exactly?

Taylor: She scolded me!

Mary: True.

Taylor: And said-

Jack: Hold on girls, we've got some steps here.

(A brief silence as the party limps upward. At the top of the steps…)

Taylor: Where was I?

Mary: Ignoring me and still talking?

Jessie: (prompting) Mary said that...

Taylor: ...that I was the one bleeding all over the place! Hah! Like your blood really evaporates.

Mary: I stand by my opinion. Now stop talking.

McKay: She might be right. You could stand to quiet down. And stop acting...

Teal'c: Insane.

McKay: Yes. That. That's the word.

Taylor: I can't help it. She won't admit she's wrong.

Mary: Never. Avast. Fear my evil wrath. Huzzah. Farklestein. Yupoy. Purple is a flibberty gibbet. And so on.

Sam: You're sure you didn't hit your head?

Jessie: Well I understood every word.

Taylor: (attempting not to laugh) Owww. Mary stop it.

Mary: You should have listened to me. No one ever does.

Jack: And we're here, people.

-------------------------------------


	21. Chapter 21

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine.

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 21

------------------------------------

(Sheppard and Jack lower Taylor onto one of the beds, point Mary towards another, allow Jessie to sit at the foot of Taylor's. Jack picks one for himself knowing it won't do him any good to protest and Sheppard sits on the bed nearest the girls while Rodney is already demanding a doctor for his tiny cut. Mitchell and Ronon walk in with medical personnel and grab beds for themselves after settling the limping Daniel and harshly bleeding Teal'c onto beds of their own. Sam takes a bed near Jack and Teyla sits on the stool by Sheppard's bed, her arm cradled to her chest.)

Teyla: Hello, girls. Which of you is which?

Mary: I'm Mary, that's Jessie and the deathly pale and blood gushing one is Taylor.

Taylor: (whining) Mary…

(Mary grins slightly.)

Sheppard: This is Teyla girls.

Jessie: Hi again.

Teyla: (nods) It's nice to meet the three of you.

Sheppard: Teyla, what'd you do to your arm?

Teyla: It is nothing compared the other's injuries; I may have broken my wrist is all. (Before Sheppard can protest the severity of the injury, not at all believing her tale of its minority, Carson and the other doctors walk in and immediately begin care of the patients.)

Carson: (heading directly over to the girls) I was told someone was shot and bleeding rather profusely. It amazes me it wasnae you colonel. (in his lovely Scottish accent) Well, hello there. Let me have a look. I take it ye are one of the girls I've been told of?

Taylor: (weakly) Yes.

Carson: You'd also be the one bleeding profusely.

Jessie: One of them, at least.

Carson: Right. (inserts an IV into Taylor's hand) Looks like you'll be needing an operation to sew that one up.

Taylor: Ugh.

Mary: Was that an "ow" Ugh or an "ugh" Ugh?

Taylor: Ugh.

Mary: Ah.

Jack: (sighing as he looses a battle with a doctor and gets his forearm bandaged) Teal'c. How're you doing?

Teal'c: I will be fine O'Neill.

Jack: Sam?

Sam: Ricochet. I'll be fine.

Sheppard: Teyla let one of the docs look at that arm.

Teyla: (sighs as a doctor bustles right over) Very well.

Rodney: Isn't anyone even going to look at this? I'm bleeding.

Daniel: (having his sprained ankle wrapped) You look fine to me.

Rodney: Well...

Teyla: Be glad you were not shot.

Daniel: (hobbling around now) Taylor? You still with us?

Carson: I gave her some morphine. We'll get the pain under control before we move her.

Taylor: ...Mary?

Daniel: Uh, no, I'm Daniel.

Mary: I'm over here Duct Tape.

Taylor: (turns her head) You lied.

Mary: And you didn't listen to the overlord. Now hush and sleep.

(Taylor drifts off as Jessie and Mary are tended to. Sheppard drops off not long after from sheer exhaustion. Nearby there is a reunion of people and gleeful welcome homes. Elizabeth walks over to where the girls and Sheppard are)

Elizabeth: I think I'll let him sleep. I'm Elizabeth Weir. (She smiles and offers her hand to Mary.)

Mary: Mary. (She shakes Elizabeth's hand. Elizabeth moves her hand to Jessie.)

Jessie: Jessie and this is Taylor. She'd shake too but she's not conscious because she got shot.

Elizabeth: I see that. Rodney, Daniel and the others have filled me in on everything and... I wanted to thank you girls. Without you here I don't think we would have managed any of this so quickly. (She sits on the stool between Taylor and Mary's beds.) I have no doubts it would have happened eventually if only because of John's extreme hate of Kolya, but you girls helped it along substantially. Not to mention that from what I hear you are very much responsible both for locating, attaining, and deciphering the Jewel of Atlantis, as well as maintaining morals well enough not to use it. So, thank you. Thank you very much.

Mary: It was our pleasure.

Jessie: Yeah. Besides, it was fun.

Jack: (now also up and about) This was fun??

Jessie: Well, yes. We got to fly in a space ship, see the very beautiful and shiny Atlantis, find the non-shiny jewel-device, and save the city.

Mary: ...and got nearly everyone wounded and Taylor to death's door.

Jessie: Right. Well besides that.

Mary: (sigh) Jack? Can I borrow you?

Jack: I'm not busy. What can I do?

Mary: Thwack Jessie for me. I can't reach her.

Jack: What now?

Mary: Thwack. You know...Jessie?

Jessie: She means smack me in the back of the head, but not hard enough to cause brain damage or anything.

Jack: ...uh...

Mary: Oh, never mind. I'll do it myself. (she sits up, and the doctor pushes her back down)

Carson: (walking over with a tray) None of that now. You've been given pain medication as well. We're goin' ta have ta get the bullet from your arm. Sit still.

Mary: (lies back down) Jessie, remind me to thwack you later.

Jessie: Kay.

Carson: (passes the tray to the doctor working on Mary and then checks on Taylor) She's ready to be moved. I'm going to have to ask you to get off the bed now, Jessie, so we can take her to the operating room.

Jessie: No. I'm not leaving her.

Carson: You have to.

Mary: Jessie. Off.

Jessie: (begrudgingly gets off the bed) But what if something goes wrong? And I'm not there?

Carson: Nothing will go wrong.

Mary: Jessie, would you feel better if I promised to get revenge for you?

Jessie: (thinking about it) What kind of revenge? The serious kind?

Mary: Tell you what; if anything goes - ow - wrong I'll kill him in his sleep for you. Okay?

Jessie: (moves from Taylor's side to Mary's) Promise?

(Carson and the other doctors take the opportunity to move Taylor.)

Mary: I promise.

Jessie: (sits down) Fine. Just don't forget.

Elizabeth: I sincerely hope that you are only consoling your friend, and that you don't plan on harming my doctor.

Mary: I won't.

Jessie: But Mary!

Mary: I will.

Jack: (chuckles) Wow. That's a pretty complicated life you lead there.

Mary: It's what I'm here for.

(The doctor finishes on Mary)

Doctor: That's that then. Just don't stress it too much and come back in a few days to let me remove the stitches and you should be fine. (gets up and leaves)

Elizabeth: How long do the three of you plan to stay in Atlantis?

Jessie: Taylor wants to stay forever.

(Elizabeth blinks in surprise. Mary sighs.)

Mary: We won't actually stay that long. Probably just long enough for Taylor to recover and get discharged.

Jessie: She won't like that.

Elizabeth: No?

Jessie: She hates irony. (curls up on bed nearby to go to sleep)

(Elizabeth looks at Mary, confused.)

Mary: Taylor's been waiting a long time to come here and now that she's here she won't have time to really see it.

Elizabeth: Oh. Well, you know you're welcome to stay longer. The three of you played a very important role in saving the city.

Mary: All the same, we should probably go back to Earth soon.

----------------------------------


	22. Chapter 22

Authors' Note: Hi there, just so you know, this story was co-authored with my friend Nimeria. This story is as much hers as mine. Plus, this is the last chapter. **Woo-Hoo!!!**

Disclaimer: We don't own anyone or anything you recognize. Except for ourselves. And that last bit's only a "maybe" on a good day.

Why to Always Have an Escape Route

Chapter 22

------------------------------------

(Many hours later both girls are asleep. Elizabeth is sitting with the girls for moral support and to be on hand for any news. Jessie stirs slightly, sits up, and glances to the door where and exhausted looking Carson is standing.)

Jessie: Mary wake up! (…A loud whisper that wakes Mary and Elizabeth and several of the infirmary's other occupants)

Mary: What? (Jessie nods toward Carson) Oh.

Elizabeth: Carson?

Carson: She's gonna be just fine. She pulled through brilliantly. We've got her in a recovery room but you can go see her in the morning if you like.

(Jessie starts to protest but Mary silences her with a look. Elizabeth nods to Carson and shuffles out of the infirmary, presumably to her own room.)

Mary: (to Carson) Thank you.

Carson: Anytime.

(A few weeks pass. At the foot of the activated wormhole stands Daniel, Teal'c, Sam, and Mitchell, waiting. Jack comes walking into the gate room slightly sideways, and walks up to the others.)

Jack: Sorry. Got kinda lost. All these hallways look the same.

(Sam suppresses a smile.)

Mitchell: Yes sir.

Jack: Well, where are our young charges?

Teal'c: They appear to be arriving now.

(Mary, Jessie, and Taylor are coming down the stairs accompanied with Sheppard and Elizabeth.)

Elizabeth: ...so long as you know that you three are welcome to return any time you like.

Mary: Thanks. I'm sure we'd be happy to-(silences Taylor with a look, and gets poked by Jessie defensively) -take you up on that some day. But we'd better be getting back.

Jessie: Yeah, Harriman is probably missing us

(The group, sans Elizabeth, walks to the Stargate.)

Jack: Coming with us?

Sheppard: Yeah. Beckett said I needed a vacation.

(The girls are having a muffled argument.)

Taylor: No, you go first.

Jessie: What?

Mary: No you don't. If I go first you'll just stay here.

Taylor: No I won't.

Mary: (sigh) A little help here Jessie?

Jessie: Yep!

Taylor: (turns to Jessie) What?

(Mary waits for Taylor to look away and shoves her, not unkindly, into the 'gate. Jessie follows smiling, prepared for a thwack on the other side)

Daniel: That was...rude.

Mary: I know. I'll get beaten for it later. (walks in)

Sheppard: That's one odd bunch of girls right there.

Jack: Yup.

(On The Other Side of the 'Gate)

(Taylor stumbles out onto the ramp looking confused and then upset, before turning around to thwack her twin, which she does when Jessie stumbles out behind her.)

Taylor: That was so incredibly mean. (Glares as Mary appears through the 'gate) I WILL be getting you back for that you know.

Mary: Yes, I know.

(Others walk through the gate behind her. Jack ruffles the disgruntled girl's hair.)

Jack: Cheer up kid, you'll be back there soon enough I'm sure.

Sam: He's right. Once you've been it never seems to want to let you go. Sheppard: Don't I know it. NOT that I ever want to leave but...

(Taylor still looks disgruntled.)

Jessie: Walter-san!!!

(She runs up to the control room and glomps the gate tech. Others chuckle and Taylor attempts to hide her smile.)

Mitchell: (looking rather resigned) You know, I think I know just the thing to cheer you up.

(Leans down and whispers in her ear. Her face lights up and she nods happily and the girls leave the gate room, letting the remaining members be the ones to fill Landry in on all that had happened. After the debriefing, in the cafeteria, Jack finds the three young women sitting together at a table.)

Jack: Hiya girls. Mind if I join?

Taylor: Nope, feel fre-

Jessie: Um...what is that?

Jack: What?

(Jessie gestures vaguely at his tray.)

Jack: It's meatloaf.

Taylor: That's Meatloaf??

(Minutes later Daniel and Teal'c walk into the cafeteria, immediately spotting the four. It wasn't hard. There was the noise, for one. Daniel was grateful that the room was mostly empty.)

Taylor: (indignantly) Look, I didn't say that beef was bad, but that's not the best specimen of meatloaf I've ever seen.

Jack: Yes you did. You said 'Ew.' Ew is not a good word.

(Mary gets up and quietly leaves the table.)

Daniel: What's going on?

Jessie: It's the meatloaf. Apparently, it's either the source of ultimate evil or a holy relic, depending on your point of view.

Jack and Taylor: I didn't say that!

(Mary comes back with a tray.)

Mary: Here. (hands treats to both Taylor and Jack)

Jack: What is this?

Teal'c: (leaning over and snatching one) Chocolate chip, O'Neill.

Jack: I meant what is it For?

Mary: You get to demolish a plate of helpless cookies. Taylor gets to attack a defenseless bowl of ice cream.

(Mitchell walks in, and over.)

Jack: Who said I needed cookies? I don't want cookies.

Taylor: Mmphr Mce Meam Mever. (through a spoonful)

Mitchell: Well, sir, if you don't want them- (he reaches down)

(and has his hand slapped)

Jack: My cookies.

Mitchell: (with a sigh) Oh well. So. Girls. When are we trying that whatchamacallit again?

(Jessie sneaks two cookies while Jack isn't looking, and glares at him when he tries to get them back. He gives up and returns to what's left of his plate of chocolatey-chippy-goodness.)

Mary: ...can you be more specific?

Teal'c: I believe he means the 'movie fest'.

Jessie: YES!

Taylor: MMMPH!

Mary: You mean you want to try again?

Mitchell: That's all Sheppard's been going on about. He keeps telling me we need to watch Princess Bride, but I'm NOT watching a chick flick.

Taylor: (swallows) It has pirates you know.

Mitchell: Pirates? How does that make the movie worth watching?

(Three girls and Sam who has just walked in stare)

Taylor: How do-

Jessie: Is he serious?

Mary: I think he is.

Sam: Cam... really...

Teal'c: Colonel Mitchell, even I am aware that pirates make even the worst movie worth watching. (All others mutter in agreement.)

Mitchell: Even so...it is my house. (Immediately he realizes this wasn't the smartest thing to say when he's glared at.)...It is my house...so... um...We'll have to watch it first. (All who were glaring stop glaring)

Taylor: If we're going we should probably go. It's getting kind of late.

Daniel: Taylor, its only noon.

Jessie: Like she said, it's late.

Daniel: How can noon be late?

(The other girls ignore him as they poke Mitchell for daring to speak ill of the Dread Pirate Roberts, and Mary pats Daniel on the shoulder.)

Taylor: You still have the supplies right?

Mitchell: Well I should. Haven't been back to the house yet.

Jessie: (gasps) The Grog! (starts to giggle) It'll be fermented!

Daniel: It...ferments? Should it do that?

Taylor: We've got to Leave! We're wasting Daylight!

Jack: Driving yourself are you?

(Taylor contemplates this.)

Jack: No! No you're not. That's the point. Besides, someone's got to fetch Sheppard.

Mitchell: He was cleaning up when I left. He's probably lost.

Taylor: I'll find...no? Oh fine. (after a look from Mary)

Sam: Tell you what sir; I'll take the girls if you convince General Landry to let us leave.

Jack: Deal.

Teal'c: Daniel Jackson, shall we, as you put it, carpool?

Daniel: Yeah, come on.

Mitchell: I'll go find Sheppard then.

(Everyone heads off in their respective directions.)

(Not Long After at Mitchell's House)

(Sam is back on her futon; Taylor and Jessie are back on their bed; Sheppard and Mitchell have reclaimed their chairs; Jack and Daniel now share the couch; Mary, after much consideration of the promises of no glomping from the devilishly innocent twins; is back near them and Sheppard and Mitchell; although a little further away than originally; and Teal'c has taken Daniel's earlier spot near Mitchell.)

Mitchell: Okay, okay. Yes, the movie is better than I thought but... all the same...I probably would have preferred something else.

Taylor: (tilts head into odd angle to look at him) What would you have preferred?

Mitchell: Not this.

Jessie: Why not? It's fantastic (She and Taylor share giggle at The Doctor's word.) So why not?

Mitchell: Because.

(Taylor, Jessie and Mary stare. Taylor pokes Jessie.)

Taylor: I totally win.

Jessie: Awww. Fine. I'll get you the Christmas present I forgot to give you two years ago. Happy?

Taylor: Yay!!

Mitchell: I'm a little confused.

Jessie: Because is my answer to anything she ever asks me that starts with the word why. She bet one of you who hadn't met us before would say something like that before we left.

Mary: I'm a little surprised really. I knew we were probably rubbing off on

you but...

(phone rings in the background)

Mitchell: I'll get that. (leaves quickly, glad to get away from the apprising stares)

(Few minutes later)

Mitchell: (walks back into room) That was Landry. He wants us back at the base now.

(Taylor and Jessie share a look before glancing at Mary.)

Mary: Well, here we go again.

------ THE BEGINNING!!! -------

Authors' Note: And so we reach the end of Why to Always Have an Escape Route. Thanks for sticking with us thus far! Nimeria and I are still hard at work (...if you can call it

work...mostly it's fun...and used to stave off boredom...moving on...) writing which means that yes, there will be a sequel. If you've come this far, please feel free to drop

us a review. Input is great and flames make us giggle. Mostly, keep watch for the next installment of the Escape Route storyline: The Never Ending Escape Route. See you there!

- Bann and Nimeria

--------------------------------------


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